sometimes

I often make jokes about people and say people settle for kettle and get cream instead of go for their dreams. Yet I am the one who has settled and wasted time. I chose a major and what do I do, I get to work with people who are obsessed with sports and think they are going to make it big time. That is so lame, but I don't really care about that. I am just frustrated because you say you will do certain things, yet you go back to your old ways. It is kind of hard to move forward when no one believes in you and is there for you. I don't think anyone is there for me and they are more like my competition. I really don't think people believe in me, they often forget about me. The one thing that bothers me is people in my church, I feel like no one has ever believed in me, they always have the same people doing things and they never let anyone else do anything. It gets on my nerves and it makes me anti-social. I do choose to be that way, but it is hard to be social when no one says a thing to you. I feel like people are fake and they say things and yet they never practice what they preach. I think I can do things in my church, yet no one has ever given me chances. I do things, but they are things I have already done and how will doing the same things all the time help me progress and move forward? I guess they don't really care and just like in the working world nobody really cares. It is all about beating each other out for the job and working only for you and not because you want to help change the world. These are thoughts that I think , I don't think I will ever change them because when you don't have experiences that help you grow, you become a cynic. I worked hard my whole life and what have I learned from it? I learned that there are people who take advantage of you and the companies I have worked for don't really care how hard I work. It kind of ruins you because you believed that hard work would get you somewhere, but for me it has not and it is sad. I guess I need to grow up and move on.

That is what I have learned with frustrations we control how we feel and we can decide what we truly want to do. If we don't like something, then we should move on. If my ward does not let me do more, then I should leave. If I hate what I do I have the power to move. We are not trees, we can move. That is one of the hardest things to do because moving forward is scary. People are afraid of change and so they settle and that is what I have done. I have been afraid and I need to realize that I can do anything I want to do and that no one or anything can stop me from reaching my dreams. If you still have the hope in your mind and dreams in your heart, then these things will make you move. Sometimes it takes a little longer to get there, but it will happen in the end. It is not about becoming the greatest in the beginning. That does not determine success, there are people who have done that, however everyone is not the same. I have learned that in my life if I keep taking a little step forward, I'll eventually get to where I am supposed to be. It is hard to think like this especially when you are around people that are cynical and negative because they bring you down. I have been like that too and I realized I should not be like that because nobody likes those kinds of people and I feel bad that I have acted like that. If I keep trying and think I can, good things will happen and they may be different than what we expected , but if we keep moving forward, life will be alright.