I can't be everything you want me to be. Maybe I can see the light through the trees, but nothing changes. Everything is the same. The only thing I feel is frustration and anger. Anger because nobody gives me a chance. I maybe be tall and possibly handsome according to some, but for some reason people still don't want to be with me. I don't understand it. Especially girls. There is this girl I took out on a date a few weeks ago and according to sources she wants me to ask her out again. Yet, on the date she did not even seem that excited to be with me. The date was frustrating as H. If I did not talk she would not say something. Does not makes sense even if you're shy. If you like me, then just say it because I like you too, but who cares nothing will happen even though I wish something could happen. I like her, she is beautiful, but the same thoughts get in my way. The thoughts of failure because what if you get in a real relationship and your realize you can't be her man. Not that I try to be a scrub, but the past years I fail. I effing fail. I went to college and got a degree, but after that I plateaued. I went backwards not forward. Some people say I might have anxiety, but after years of being told this I still don't get it. I  do not want to even admit that I have anxiety. It's shameful because people think you're a loser, but they don't even know how hard it is. I don't even want to use that as an excuse because I feel like some people do and I never wanted to be that way. I never wanted to be labeled as those people because I never saw myself like that. I see myself as legendary in my mind, but I have not had my chance to shine. Some days I don't know if I ever will. As time passes by, you start to realize things sometimes don't go your way. The worse is when you see people from your past with their lives (We all know Social Media is exaggerated) . It's salt to the wounds especially when you want what they have. What do I want? I want to feel. I want to be with somebody who wants to be with me. People can say they don't ever want to be in a relationship, but deep down everyone does. I want to know what it's like to care for someone that I want to be with. Yet, I don't. I have opportunities, but I take too much time and never make a move. Girls can't wait forever especially when it comes to dating. Maybe it's not my time. I don't want to keep waiting. I want to know. I want to feel and that was all I every wanted, but for some reason I can't. I have to see the girls I once liked go for other people and that's the worse of all. Maybe it 's because I 'm not getting a PHD (player hating degree). Or maybe it's the fact that I can't move forward. I work at the same place my whole adult life. Girls don't want that. They want a man. A guy who does not look back. Can't they take a chance on someone? Someone who knows they can do anything, but they just have to overcome their anxieties. I would give people a chance, but then I realize I never ask girls out again and so I do not practice what I preach. It's different. I would never give up on a girl I'm attracted to even if she has not accomplished everything in life yet. Who cares? Life is life and things don't go your way. so who knows what I'll do. Nothing gets better. Just meaningless days. I try my best. As I type I realize life can suck and I'm not here to wallow in my shiz( ha ha). You have to come up with a solution to your problems. You can't expect things to change when you don't change. You can't expect to date when you don't asks girls out.. You have  to DO or DO NOT because there is no try. Yet, I know I  can change. I can inspire people. I can do anything I believe in because everything I have is already inside.