Thoughts

Sometimes we get down and frustrated and we think the universe revolves around us. We tend to think that our problems are worse than everybody else, yet I have observed that we all have the same problems. They are not the same, but they are similar and everybody has their own Goliath they have to overcome. For me that is believing in me, sometimes I think I am never good enough for anything and so I isolate myself from the world. I should not do that and I should not always think about me because I have learned that there are people who have it worse than me. I need to help these people and not worry about me because my time will come. I really think I need to help others and make them feel welcomed. Sometimes I don't feel welcomed with my church or people I meet at school and work. I get mad and say they don't care and maybe they don't, but I should not worry because I have to worry about me. I have learned the best way to feel welcomed is to seek out those people who seem sad and down. I do observe a lot and I see these things. I always think of going up to these people and saying hi, yet I don't because I think what can I do? I am nothing special, but that is wrong, we all have our own gifts and if we used those gifts we can help people reach their full potential.

That is what we are here on earth for and that is to help people and if we realize that, we can become better ourselves. I hate admitting that because I like competing, but I have realized we need to help others even if our lives are not that great. I often see people and yet I don't do anything to help them and I feel bad because I should. I know it is hard, but I am not saying we have to do huge things, we can just do small things. I know that if we help people with a real purpose, then we will improve. Just because we help others does not mean our lives will become great, I have learned that sometimes it takes time and I think that is part of live as well. It is to be tested and see if we can be patient and good even when may feel that all is lost. However it is never lost, even when we are in the pits or in a hole we can't get out, there is always light at the end. I guess that is what I need to learn, I need to be patient and realize that life is not that bad and sometimes it may not be great, but if it is not, I still need to help others because even when we are down, we still have to power to change lives of the people we meet.

Past

I sometimes run into people who used to know me and they always second guess me in my opinion. People say they actually care, but then why do they ask me questions that make me feel stupid. This one person who once knew me asked me what I have been up to and I told them I have been going to school and they asked me if I was just doing generals and taking classes. I'm sorry, but that just gets on my nerves because I am almost done with my bachelors degree, I have one more internship and then I am graduated. Then there are people who assume I go to Salt Lake Community College and I think they are so dumb that they would assume I go there when I have told them in the past that I go to the University of Utah. I think people think I am a certain way because I did not do things in the LDS church and yet that is my reason to prove those people wrong. It's like they assume I am lazy, but I work harder than most people because I have to prove them wrong. That is why I hate meeting people from the past, they just get on my nerves because they assume something I am not. That is my life, people, work, and girls always doubt me. So I have to prove them wrong and I don't feel bad for being like that, but when people assume things it just gets on my nerves.

I do like it because it gives me motivation to show them up, even though they probably don't even know that they offended me. I just feel like nobody believes in me and I have something to prove. I understand that is part of life to prove yourself in work life and personal life. It just makes me laugh when people say dumb things and assume that I am a certain way. Or maybe it's just me because I think people are judging me because of certain things I did not do. That is probably true because I don't like when people judge me. How do I know what they really think? I just assume that is what they think, but I don't truly know and that has been my whole life story and it is sad because I can't overcome it. I think that everyone is against me and that they want me to fail, but who knows what they are really thinking, only God knows. I guess that is something I have to overcome and forget and not worry because that is not what life is about. I can only worry about me and where I am going to be and hopefully that will be somewhere better than I was before.