I am often lucky enough to here people talk about what they do for a career and how they made it. Actually I am not lucky enough, I am annoyed because I don't really care what they did or how they became what they are. To me work will always be lame and that may seem negative, but it just gets to the point where you get sick of it all. I am from two worlds because when you go to college it is all about making money and then when I do to the other parts of my life, like church, you are supposed to help people. Yet in college I feel like everyone is my competition and they are not my friends. I am only there for me and not for them and it seems kind of bad to feel that way, but that is what I have been taught in my collegiate career. Why would I want someone to better than me on a art project or a poster I created. I am sorry, I want to be the best and I will do whatever it takes to show them up. I really feel bad that I think this way, but I feel like no one has ever believed in me. So I don't really care if people fail or not. I know I should not be like that, but it is kind of hard especially in this world. Especially when there is no one there to encourage you or be you friend. I reflect on my college career and I hated it. It was never fun, no one really said a word to me. People really never helped me and when I was in groups they never believed in me. So I isolated myself and that is not good because it makes you not complete. People say I should be glad that I am almost done with school, yet I am not, I feel like it has been a complete waste because I did not really do what I wanted to do. It took me years to decide on a major. It is hard to do what you want to do when no one really believes in you, I mean nobody has ever really encouraged me. All I have been told to do is that finish college and the doors will open. Yet to me they still seem closed and that is why I don't care when people come and talk to my classes and say how they made it.

Money does not mean you made it and I like money, but it is not the most important thing in this life. It is important to make money to take care of yourself and family, but I have learned that working your life away for a company is never worth it. I worked four years at my current job and they don't really care about me. I worked hard, but I have learned it doesn't matter and it is time go somewhere else. Even though I have down times in life, I still know in my mind and heart that I should be helping people. I watch and observe people and there are times when I just ignore them because I think why should I care, if no one really cares about me. I know I should not be like that and I should help people even though I may dislike them . That is the true meaning of success. You think of everything people do and you realize that the people that are happy are the ones who go above and beyond and help others. I don't see that today in college, but I can do my part. No job will truly bring you happiness and that is my own opinion. If you want to be the best you have to waste hours on hours to get to where you want to be and then there are times when you get there and you wonder if it was worth it or not. You will lose your families and friends and even the most important times of you life when you work for something you want real bad. Everything has a price and the thought is are we willing to pay for it? I don't know what I want to be, but I do like creating and making things look better in art because that is my passion. I like when other people enjoy something I created because it makes me happy and that is how God feels when we help others for the right reasons. It makes him smile because we went the extra mile. I know that I need to help others all the time even when I am down and in the dumps because everyone has their own gifts and we can use those gifts to help people reach their full potential. If we forget about ourselves, one day things will work out and the despairs and failures will come to an end and those feelings will turn into hope. Eventually those dreams and hopes will turn into reality. However, we don't have to be a baller or a raller to help people. No, you can be anything and that is the greatest thing about helping others because anyone can do it. If people realized that, think of how great the world would be. We often sell ourselves short and believe we can't make a difference, but everyone can because everyone is like a snowflake. They are all different, but when they come together they can create something that is beautiful.

Peace out any maybe one day I will realize my full potential