Shattered

Dreams don't come true and most of the times they never will. We give them up because we either we settle for what we have now or we just don't believe in ourselves. Or people tell us we suck and so we quit and never try. My dreams were shattered years ago and to be honest they were unrealistic dreams. That is what is so sad about life because when you are young, you think the world is great and that nothing can stop you. As you grow older you start to realize that those dreams were stupid and that there is no way you will actually achieve those dreams. I sit here and type and yet I am doing nothing with life. I often wonder if I'll ever make it, but usually I don't and never will. Why would I be so negative, at such a young age? It is simple because people never have given me the opportunity to believe. However, you can't put your fate on people, you have the power to control your own fate. That is what I realize, but I still can't become what I want to be and it is sad because you know you can, but the thoughts come back and you really don't think you can. I often hide my true feelings and if I ever did show them, it would not matter because people don't care. They don't and if you said to me that they do, I hardly would believe them. Most people care for one thing and that is themselves and you may sit here and read this and want to argue, but it is true. We all help people, but sometimes we do it for the wrong reasons. I have, but who cares because nobody cares and why would I write such negative things? I choose to react the way I feel and we have the power to change, but how many actually do. Seriously most people never change and they do for a few weeks and months, but they go back to their old ways. Sometimes you think they can, but most of the time they don't. It's not, that I am trying to be depressing, but this is how I think at times and I know I should not be like that. I should have hope, but it is hard to have hope at times because sometimes you go nowhere in life. I have not got to where I want to be, I just graduated from college, but I have not progressed in anything. I still feel like I am in high school at times and it is sad to see the people your age move forward. It's like I have regressed and they have all tasted the goodness of life. I have just tasted the failures of life and it's a bad taste, but it is my own fault. Everything is your own fault when things don't go your way and that is what I realize and I realized people should not feel bad for me because it is my fault and if I really wanted to change then I would. I never do, I go back and settle because of fear. Fear is a swear word I can't say, but it destroys you and it messes you from reaching your full potential. So when I talk to people I tell them they can because I believe that they can and yet I never believe in me and it is sad. I see their potential, but I never see mine, but who cares because that is life and if I never man up, then I'll never get to where I want to be. I have learned we can be what we want to be, we just have to work for what want to be. At times life may be lame, but that is the purpose of life. It is to rise above and while you rise, you should bring others up with you because I don't I want people to ever feel like I have and if they do, I'll raise them up and tell them what I see in them. If I never make it, then I am really not trying. I have observed that if you try, you'll get somewhere in the right direction. It may take years, but I know that in the end I'll be what I want to be.

Life is a Beach, I am Just Playing in the Sand

I have realized in life that most people don't become what they want to be and sometimes they give up their dreams for the things they want now. I always wonder why because they seem to be having a great time, but who really knows because there will be a time when all of that goes away, a time when we gave up our passions for the quick easy and way out of life. I have learned there is no easy way out. If you want something, you have to go and do it because thinking and wishing won't get you anywhere. I often wonder why people quit or settle now because it is not worth it. I have settled many times in life, I have not gone for the dream. I have finished college and other things, but I am still not where I want to be. I see people that I know go for jobs that in the end are just a rut and will really never help you get you to where you want to be. A lot of people tell me I am dumb and that I am going to have to give up my dreams because either I suck or the economy is bad. There are times when it gets to me, but then I think of the people that have worked hard and got to where they wanted to and no thing or economic crisis got in their way. That is why it is funny to me because there really is nothing stopping us in this life. Crap will happen, but it the end it comes down to you and you have to decide if it is worth it or not. Most of the time people don't believe in them and I have learned from college that anything is possible. I never believed that I would finish, I was scared the first day and every year was something scary, but in the end I finished and I realized that I can and most of the time it was me who was preventing me from reaching my full potential. I am finished, but I still have to move and people say things and do things to you that make you mad. I have learned we just have to let it go and that most of the times when people say things it is the truth and you can use that for motivation. I have learned you can do anything in life. Nothing is too hard and the main thing is you have to be confident in you and after you get that, you can reach your potential.

I have been away from blog land and had an event that made me want to rant. I realized I can't because it won't do me any good. Sometimes we get dissed and the truth gets shoved in our face and we have to eat it. When that happens you want to get revenge and make them pay for what they did. It has happened to me many times in my life and I have to realize that it is okay if people judge me for the way I am. I'll be honest that I am not the most positive person and when people tell me things I already know about myself it makes me mad. I know who I am, but I realized it's okay if people say crap because you can use that for motivation. The great thing is you can always change and sometimes it's the people themselves who have problems. I realized we say mean things because we want to hurt people and make them feel bad. I have learned we can't be like that even if life sucks because one day it will get better. Maybe it will, but I don't know because my life is the same, but that can't stop me from helping people and telling people what I see in them. I see lots of things in people that I never tell because I don't want to be that person. I don't like sharing my true feeling with people because I keep everything inside and I have realized when you do that it gets you nowhere in life. You just sit there and fester it all in and that is not good. When we get angry or want to fight back, the best thing do is walk away or ignore them. Sometimes the truth hurts and words sting, but we are not what they say we are because people truly don't know us. Sometimes people see us in our bad moments and sometimes we act certain ways to get people attention. Nobody is truly bad, what makes them bad is events in their lives and they choose to respond and I have learned that most people have a heart, no matter how bad of a person they think they are. I have learned to never give up on a person either because they have potential and we may not see, but God does and sometimes we have to be that person to show them who they really are. I realized this myself and sometimes don't believe in me and nobody is there for me and sometimes I want to be a jerk and I realize that it's okay if people don't care about me because I have the power to help them and change their lives.