If I use the reason the way I am is because of my parents.  Then that is a crutch and that I so many years old and I'm my own person. Maybe those things made me who I am. Maybe it triggered and made me worried. Maybe it made me worry so much that I had to impress everyone. I'm sorry I fail YOU. I'm sorry I don't move forward. I only regress backwards to the same thing over and over. I have anxiety and I never like to admit it. It gets worse as time goes on. To live your life in fear is no way to live your life. That is why people move on. Move on without me. I'm like Woody for Toy Story, I get replaced eventually. I"m still the same, but eventually you can't hang with Screech forever. I am the Screech of life because I never moved forward. I tried, but not good enough. It's sad, but that is the card I was dealt with in life. People say it's so easy to overcome anxiety, yet as time passes it gets worse. I get more scared. I can do things, but I'm always in a constant state of worrying about the unknown. Maybe that is why I get frustrated because I can't get what I want (to live life to the fullest and not care about what people think of you). I admire those people who live like that. I don't, I lived in a constant fear and I'm told it's easy to break out of it. I can tell you it's not easy. It's hard. It's hard especially when you get further behind in life. The more I worry, the less likely I move forward. I don't know if I'll ever move forward. It's kind of sad, but that is life. Girls don't want that from a man. I guess I should realize that is life and no girl wants to be with a guy who can't be a man. I'm afraid of  real jobs and getting canned. I'm afraid of other things too that prevent me from tasting the goodness of life. I get to witness other people have it, but as a person you still don't really care because you want to be that person. The other day a girl I once pined for got married to some person I used to chill with. If I was a baller (according to my friend) I would congratulate them. That is not the baller thing to do. The baller thing to do is never even say a word and never give a thought to them. Actually I am since I'm typing about this. ha ha  That girl I met was from 2014 and I should not care about 2014 because that is the past and it's history. Yes, I may fail and 2014 was a fail year for me, but as a person once showed me, you can come back and prove everyone wrong. I feel like no one believes in me and so I relate to this person. Who is this person? It's Lebron James. He may make millions, but everyone wrote him off. Said he could never do the unthinkable, beat the Golden State Warriors being down 3-1 in the NBA Finals. Yet, somehow Lebron James did. He never gave up and always believed. That is how I feel. Maybe my time to show the world who I really am has not come. Maybe it never will. If I keep doing the small things, eventually things will follow through. People don't believe in you, then you can't care because in the end you control your destiny. You're not going to please your family, friends, co-workers, girlfriends, and other people. The only person you need to please is yourself and that is one step to closer happiness. When you do what inspires you, then eventually you'll inspire others.