They were right and I was wrong. One person the other day said they faced more wins than losses. I could relate to that. Sometimes you get bitter. Sometimes you take it personal because people say stupid shiz that you know is true. Sometimes people do not understand. Like you family. Like as a person who is single, why would you want to be around your family all the time? You rather be with you friends, but I don't have any friends. I have no friends. People say they're your friends, but they don't invite you to things that they do with their friends.
Who cares. Like seriously who the hell cares. Deep down inside we all crave some form of attention. It's hard when you're not part of the spotlight. That is why social media is great especially when you get views because you know that other people think your content is great. In the end who gives a shiz because if you're not make money from your content, then it's a waste of time.
I've wasted a lot of time. Wasted time at a dead end job for years. Went on meaningless dates. Wasted time not being a billionaire. The only thing productive was running and lifting weights, but I'm not a professional athlete. Even athletes fade away. Father Time is a word I can not say, but it catches up to everyone. The worst thing in life is never doing anything at all.
People think you are a jerk, but they don't know it's the anxiety. Anxiety keeps you from doing things and then you get stuck in a rut. Society tells you to take pills and that pills are the best thing to take. Pills are the worst. They just make you feel like you don't give a ****, but they still don't help you overcome your problems. Your failures.
My failure is never being what I am supposed to be. I feel like most companies are fake and they don't really care about me. Like they find every reason to not pay you for the work you do. someone said that is a negative attitude, but it happens when you work at a dead end job. You know the grass is not always greener, but greener pastures just seem so good. Hell, even being a janitor seems better than the shiz I do. I am sick of it all. Sick of trying to please people. Like for real.
Most people do not do what they want to do. Some say it is having kids and being an adult. Others say traveling the world is what life is about. I don't do any of those things. All because of anxiety. It is my own fault. I don't drug myself like they tell me to do. They say drugs help, but I don't want to be dependent on medication. Who wants to take medication for the rest of their life. Most people probably do, but who knows. I don't really care and I also on a random note I do not care who wins the Super Bowl.
