What do I stand for? Most nights, I don't know anymore. I sit awake and wonder. I wonder why I care. I get on social media and see people from my past and I wonder what the hello? These people got married. This girl has a kid. The people I see now don't care what happened to me. I wonder why I care. People say they don't care, but deep down inside (shallow) we care. We care because we see people we know and you wonder why you can't have what they have. I know people are glad to see me fail or see people from their past fail. They say it's not a competition, but in our minds it is. I never met anyone who is truly happy for somebody else. I have met people who say they are happy for others, but some of those people to me seem like tools of the world and try to humble brag so they can get a person to fall for them. I wonder why those people annoy me. I try to give the humble braggers the benefit of the doubt, but most of them are tools. Then I think and realize nobody is perfect and maybe they really are trying to be sincere, but some people are not. Some people are so fake and for years it bothered me and I wonder why I give a DANG when I should be working on myself and not wasting my time on other people's problems or lives. In the end you have to help yourself and you can't waste time/years worrying about other people. I care, but people tell me not to care. It's so hard to give it up, but maybe they're right. Maybe when you focus on you that is when you can heal. That is when the anger goes away. I was always taught you should care for others even if you're depressed or have no hope. Someone told me you can't if you are, but that's not true. You can make a difference you just have to dig a little bit deeper to show people that you care and maybe when you care for people for all the right reasons, that is when it starts to change. I don't know for sure because some things change, but I seem to always be the same and maybe that's just the way it is. Some things never change. Maybe it's because I like it or I'm afraid to be the real me because it's awkard. It's awkward for people to see the real you. To see that you care and want them to be happy. So I'll never show people the real me because in the end you just get hurt and the only thing you realize is that Sometimes you've got to bleed to know,That you're alive and have a soul, But it takes someone to come around to show you how. I wish someone could come around and make me feel like I'm alive again...
