The NFL

Life is like the Carolina Panthers game last night against the Denver Broncos. They were so close to winning, but right at the end something goes wrong. Shiz happens. That is life. Sometimes your hope gets sucked out with minutes left. Some say that's life, but how many more failures do you have to witness. I reflect and conclude and according to people that everything is my fault. I control my own destiny, yet nothing clicks. Have hope for a few minutes and then it gets dashed. I had hope, but at times it goes away. I had hope in relationships, but deep down inside I know the outcome. It does not work out. In my mind I know most of the time relationships don't work out. Jobs disappoint you. Friends betray you or forget about you. That is life. Life can be brutal. For me it's all me. I have things that challenge me. Some say I have depression/anxiety, but I would never say because I don't want to make excuses. I have hope to the very end, but to me life is like running in a cold Alaska winter...All you see is darkness and no light. The light is there, but it's hard to move forward because you're afraid of what could happen. You know from the past everything that you did ended in disappointment. That's were it starts. Events like that trigger hopelessness, anger, and frustration. I've lost it because I felt like I worked hard in school, my job, and life and nothing panned out. You see other people and things just click and to say you're happy for them is a lie because deep down inside no one is really happy for people unless they have it all figured out. Most people don't have it figured out. They play the part with their possessions, looks, or how they act. I learn most people don't have it all figured out. The ones that do are rare because they are the best people in the world. The people that really care and really are happy for others. That was my dream to like that, but I got the best of me and I type and type and go running and running and I stop and stare and I go nowhere. I believe I can get to where I need to be, but in the end I'm always back to where I started from. What do I learn from being in the same place? Nothing. I've learned nothing and it does not make sense. I tried to help others, but when you can't help yourself, it's hard to help people. I'm tired of being what I can't be. I'm tired of watching my friends get the pursuit of happiness while I get to lay in a bed full of sorrow. I'm tired of all girls I like playing games. I don't want that. I want to move on from the shire. I want to know what it's like to live I don't want to live an untold story. Yet I do, but that is life. Things don't always pan out. Cars get damaged, hearts get broken, and egos get bruised, but I realize that I'm still alive and everything I need is already inside. Yet, I don't realize that. It's not that hard to move one foot in front of the other, but we make it so. We wait for the opportune moment, but there is no such thing..Life is like running in the winter because it's not going to last forever and sometimes it's cold and sometimes it's warm, but if you keep going you go back to where you started from. Maybe you're suppose to do something or help someone. Yet we're always too concerned about what's ahead and never want what is right in front of us. We meet people we could have relationships with, yet we think there is always someone better. We complain about our lives, but you realize there are six billion plus people in the world and in reality nothing is really that big of a deal. So your car sucks, the girl next door shattered your heart, and you're not paid for what you're worth. That's life and so it goes on and you wonder why you are here. Some say to eat drink and be MERRY because we all die tomorrow. Others say it's for higher purposes... To forget about yourself and help others...I have to stop typing so I can go chill and watch the NFL.