observe

I have realized in life that most people don't pay attention. I know that may sound rude, but it's true. They do not observe the others around them and people think I am creepy because I observe and I can figure things out about people by observing. I don't think it's creepy, I think it shows that I care, but I realized most people don't care, they are off into their own world. I am not saying that I always focus on others, but I do notice people, yet I never say anything or try to help them. I do help, but some people are just weird and don't want your help. I often wonder why people do certain things or become a certain way. You sometimes see people that you know decide to do dumb things or things that just don't make sense.

You want to tell them, but you realize you can't because it's not your responsibility to tell them what to do. It is for them to decide, it's their life. Maybe that is how God feels when he sees us doing the wrong things. He wants to help us, but can't because the purpose of this life is to use our own free agency and to see if we will make the right choices.

Even if we do the wrong things or not the best things in life, it's okay because we can always comeback and be better. That is what I observe when I see others. I wonder, but then I realized even they can comeback and we have the power to help them. That is why we have to tell people what we see in them because a few words can change a person's life.

Life is never easy and sometimes we make it more difficult then it really is. We let fear get in the way and we also never believe in ourselves. I have come to the conclusion that life is not really that hard and that you can be anything or become anything, as long as you believe in yourself. For me this is the hardest thing I ever have to do because I often sell myself short and say I am never good enough. When I fail my expectations I think everyone is mad at me and that it is not okay to screw up. That is what I have lived with over the years and it is no way to live a life. Trying to be perfect is not the way to be and focusing on your problems is not the way to be. People may read this and think I don't really think like this, but I do. It has ruined me, I have not lived life to the fullest. I have lived my life worrying about all the things that could happen. I think about things so much that I get sick at times. I wonder why I do that, but I realized if you fail, you can't be scared because it is okay to mess up. That is why I have lived in a shell because of fear and the thought of failing. I really do wish I could see what people see in me because at times the only thing I see is a person that tried to do things for other people, while never going for my dream. That is one thing I always think about when I am at school or at work. I sit there and think and wonder if it is all worth it. Or should I just drop everything and go for the dream. People say it is dumb, but why be miserable if life is so short. It may be smart to get degrees and work jobs that pay well. However, they will never make you happy, if they are not your dreams. I dream and I realized that being here in Utah is not my dream. I am not all about money and becoming rich. I am about doing what I love and using my talents to make people happy. I have realized that nothing I have done in school and work has really inspired people. That is okay because I don't have to be something to change people's lives. I just have to treat them that I care and show them how I truly feel. It is amazing how people are there for you when you need them most. It makes you realize that life is not so bad and that you can't be afraid. When you do make it, you need to inspire others as well because that is the purpose of life. I realized that even one person can change your life. Most of the time that is when you meet the girl of your dreams. I have not found my future wife or anything, but I have met girls that I truly cared for and they made me a better person than I am today. I realized that every girl is special no matter what they do and what they look like. Even if it does not work out, it's okay because that is the purpose when it comes to dating. You sometimes wonder if it is fate when you meet certain girls. You wonder if God is trying to help you out or if it is just random. That happened to me the other day. I met this girl I worked with and wondered if I would ever see her again. The crazy thing is I did, she happens to go to the same church I go to. I don't know if that is fate or just a random thing , but I realized if it is nothing that's okay because she is a great person. You can't worry if it does not work out or anything. You can't worry when or if you will get married. You can't worry about what you will do for a job. All I know you have to do is worry about what you can do for others. When life gets dark and dreary, the best thing is to forget about you and help others. It does not matter if I become rich or ever get married. To me, all that matters is who I helped make a better person. That is what I really want to do in life and I don't care if I never make it because if I could change or save a person's life, then it won't matter what I have become. So when I move forward all I need to do is focus on others because it does not matter about anything else. It is good to have money and to be successful, but if you never do anything to change the world with your talents, then life is a waste.

I heard a talk from a person about becoming a man. It was really great, but they said that a man is someone who puts the fun things away and starts dating and does important things in this life. In LDS land if you don't do things the right way you are considered a failure to some people. They went on to say that we should be focusing on dating and if we do we will meet that person we were supposed to meet. They basically just said that we should put the childish things behind and focus on becoming a man. I sat there and realized that everyone is at their own level in this life. They can peak at their own time. That is one thing that has always bothered me because people expect you to be like everybody else. If you are not trying to find a wife or do the right things, then you are considered a failure. I realized that nobody is a failure and that they will decide in their own time of when they want to grow up and become a man. If if they are not going to school or trying to progress, they are not failures. They have potential and they can become anything they want to be. That is why we can never give up on anybody because they can become great. You can't focus on what a person does not do, you need to focus on the things they do great. Why I get so passionate about this is simple, because people have doubted me in my own life. I have realized you can't worry what other people think because if you do you will become insane. All you have to do is what you can do and hope that God will carry you the rest of the way. I know that life is hard at times and sometimes it seems like it never will improve. It does and I realized no matter where we are at in this life, we can always make it. The most important thing I have ever learned in this life is to just keep moving forward. It has been hard, but in the end you realize it was worth it. I also want to say never stop believing in a person because anybody can change. We just have to help them and encourage them. It may take time, but it can happen.

I write the exact same things in this blog and the reason why is because in my mind I have gone nowhere. I have worked hard, but the only thing I have got was a rut that can't seem to go away, but that's okay because life is never supposed to be easy and if is is, then you are really not trying. I have learned that if you never believe you can, then you probably never will. The only person stopping yourself is you. We can have and be whatever we want and the best way to do that is to decide and say to yourself that you are going to be what you want. I also learned to never settle for anything because most of the time you are better than you think you are. It takes people to show you that and we also need to be there for people and show them what we think. You will be surprised how a small thing can make a person happy. It can even make them change. Yet I write all this and still think I am not great because in my mind I want to be the best and I have this imagination that I think when I get to where I want to be, that I'll be fine. I have realized you will never get to where you want to be and that when you do get there, it still does not mean you will be happy. Happiness does not come from possessions, it comes from helping people and keeping relationships. No riches could ever make a person happy and it can for a while, but then the happiness goes away. I have learned that to be happy it has to start with you. You can't be mad at what you have done in the past and sometimes you have to forgive yourself, even though that is the hardest thing to do. We all mess up and if we realize that it's okay, then we can move forward. I don't truly know what real happiness feels like. I know I have felt my best when I have actually helped someone for the right reasons and telling people what I truly think of them. I have often observed that is what people worry about and they need to know what we see in them because it helps them improve in their lives. We need to be there for others even though we may not really like them. The other day I saw this person cry because they thought they were lost and it actually got to me because for a moment they thought they were alone. Yet people like us stood there and did nothing to comfort them and I realized that we should have. I also realized that we are never truly alone because there is someone that is there when think we are alone and that is God. He may not give you want you want, but I have learned that God can comfort you in your times of need. He can put people in your paths that can help you improve. If you think not, you just have to look a little harder and then you will realize that God was there the whole time. We are never alone and if we think we are, we just need to go find others and help them be comforted. I don't know why I am writing this and showing to the world how I really think, but I have realized if you never speak from your heart, then nobody will know who you really are. The jokes aside I have realized that we all are good and have potential and sometimes it may take a little longer to get to where we want to be, but if we never quit, we will get there.

running

I went for a long run last night and had many thoughts that raced through my mind. Everytime I run I am always thinking. The first thing I realized is that nobody really cares and that there is no such thing as a true friend. You may wonder why I would have thoughts like this, but when I run I think of my life and what I have done. I realized I don't have friends and it is my fault, but there comes a time in you life when you need friends. I have friends, but they are not close to where I live and they moved on to other places, so they could improve their lives. That is one reason I run because I want attention and I feel that nobody notices me. If they do, they are afraid to say something. I am too, but I am more of the quiet type and don't like to invite myself to activites I was not invited to. I don't feel like I belong to anything, I'm more like an outsider who has wasted his life trying to please other people. That is another thing that goes through my mind when I run. I think about what I have done in life and realized my whole life I have done things just so I could get approval. I have also done the right things thinking it would change my life. It hasn't, I am still the same and think the same. I feel that everybody has something against me and that they don't really want to be my friend. That is why I isolate myself because I feel like I don't belong. You may think that is sad, but it is true and I choose the way I want to react. It is hard to change and that is what I realize when I run. It is hard to move forward when there is nobody or nothing there for you. You think it will change, but it never does and you go back to your old habits and ways because you think you are never good enough. People might read this and think it is sad, but don't feel bad for me because you don't, if you cared you would have tried to help me, but I realized most people don't care. They just tell you to move on and they are not there for you when you need them the most.

That is the same for me as well. I am never there for people even though I am more aware of the person's problems and frustrations. I observe and I have realized that most people are scared to share their real feelings or how they feel about certain things. They try to keep in, but I have realized keeping all of your problems to yourself gets you nowhere. I have realized even the small things can change a person's life. I realized that the other day when I was driving with some girls in a car to a ward activity. They where talking about life and one girl was talking about how she does not think she will get married anytime soon. She even said her younger sister might get married before her. I had a sense that this bothered her because she was talking about it. I have realized when people talk about certain things, that is what the really want. The quiet me just sat there and said nothing.

I have realized I should have told her don't worry and told her that she will get married in her own time. She is a very cute girl and has accomplished a lot in her life and I think I should have said that, but I didn't because I don't want to come across creepy. I should have because when people never hear the real things you see in them, then they will never change or believe that they can become better. I believe that this girl in my ward should realize that she is greater than she think she is and that she should not settle because she has potential. I am not saying I know exactly what this girl thinks of herself, but I have realized we need to be there for people and say what we see in them.

That is what I realized at the end of my run is that we need to be there for people and there will be times when we are alone. Or we may feel that we are alone, but we just need to keep moving, even if it hurts. It may take years to become who we are, but in the mean time we need to focus on others. When we get down we should not think about what we don't have or do. We should realize what we can do and who we can help because anybody can help anybody. I really believe that and I think the best way to help people is to show them how you care. If you do these things your life might change or be the same. If you really want to change you have to believe in you and not worry about the things that can happen. All we need to worry about is what we can do with the time that is give to us.

I have realized that the past few years I have lived in a shell. It may sound sad for you to hear that, but it's true. I have been so scared of change that I have isolated myself from people and new things. It is not a bad thing, but it just creates a rut and you start to never believe in yourself. You think your are not good enough and that when people say certain things it is not true. You worry so much that you can't make a decision because you worry of all of the bad things that might happen. That is what has stopped me from progressing because I have been afraid and when I think too much about a situation, I can't move forward. I usually don't make a decision in the end. It has hurt me, but I have realized that in the end it will all work and out and we will be on the path we were supposed to be. It has been hard to move forward and I think it is hard for anybody because we can't see what it will be like on the other side. That is a risk we have to take because if not, we will be in a rut and we will not progress.

That has been me for the past few years. I have progressed in sports and other things, but I have not reached my full potential in life because of fear. I think we all do that because we don't really like change. I have also realized that when we are in a rut or down in our own lives, we still need to help others because that is the purpose of life.

Helping people is what truly helps us progress because when we help others for the right reasons, that is when we move forward in our own lives. It is easy and you don't have to be something to help someone. That is what I have learned when things don't go my way or when I focus only on me. I realized that there are other people out there that need help and I need to do something to help them.

Just wait for the opportune moment

I was talking to this one person about life and how certain things happen. They said why do what is right when there are so many other people who do what they want and go off the path and come back. He said it does not matter if you tried to do the right things your whole life because you can always repent. I realized that is a point you have to consider when things don't go your way.

There are times when you wonder if doing the right things is worth it because there are times when nothing changes. You get stuck and you see people that are not really that good and have all the fun and come back and you wonder if your choices were worth it. I often think about that because I have worked hard in life and I have not seen benefits from working hard. I have also done the right things in life and I have not seen any real good things come out of that.

When things do not get better, it can be discouraging, but I have realized we just have to keep moving along because everything will work out in the end. Most of us can't see it and do not believe things will work out when we are down and frustrated. They do, we just have to keep trying and doing what is right. I know that it is hard to do the right things, but I know that if you do what is right, you will eventually be blessed in this life. It can take years and that is when we have to have patience because the purpose of life is to be tested.

People can say it is not, but life is a test. It is to become stronger than we were the day before. We are supposed to learn when things don't improve. We can't just sit and think it will get better. I have learned we have to be doing and that we have to believe it will change. The best way to change is to keep trying each day. I know that helping people is the most important thing to do when we are down and things don't go our way. That is what this guy I was talking to does not do. He only is concerned about who he should blame. I have learned that gets you nowhere and that we can't focus on what other people do because we are at our own levels in this life. If we worry about what other people don't do or say, then we are no better than them. We need to focus on who to help and what we can do in this life to make it better.

If we do those things, I know our own lives will improve. It may not improve drastically, but it will improve. That is what people have to realize; we can't compare ourselves to other people because we are at our own levels and we are all trying to get to the same destination. I think that is what we have to realize when we are with others. We are the same and we have similar problems and realize that we are here to to help people and not to bring them down. Everything can get better and if it doesn't right away or never does, we can still help others and inspire people. I know that is the small things that change people's lives and I think once we realize these things, our own lives can change.

I wrote this for everyone because this is who I really am.

I sit and watch and yet it never changes or I don't change. They say doing all the right things makes you better, but that is not true. I am still sitting and waiting and I have been doing that for awhile and to me it will never happen. I still feel judged and I feel that people are afraid to be a real friend. I meet people, but I have observed that most people have something against me or they really think I am a jerk. There have been times when I am at church or other social settings, where I deliberately sit alone and what I have found out is that people never say a word to me at all . It often bothers me because it's me or people just don't like me or they are afraid to say something because I don't really talk.

I have come to the realization that nobody cares and that most people only care about one thing and that is themselves. It is true and it is true for me as well. If you seriously think about it, we always think of ourselves first and what we don't have. These are the things that go through my mind as I have been isolated from socializing for the past five years. I wonder why should I get what I want when there are others out there who need help. Yet I tend to focus on me and when I do it just makes me more frustrated because I don't feel this great sense of belonging anywhere. My church that I attend is a bunch of cliques and they can say that they are not, but they are. They exclude people and they don't make people feel welcomed. It bothers me , but then I come to the point where I have realized that I can make a difference and who the hell cares if they are stuck up and set in their ways.

I see people like me that are not welcomed in church and other places and I always say to myself that someone else will help them and it's not my responsibility. It is because we are all people and if we say we feel unwelcomed, then we should do things to make people feel welcomed. That is what I don't do and I often need to realize that I can. Anybody can help anybody it does not have to be great. It can be a simple hi or a invite. That is what I don't do and yet I wonder why I am the way I am. It is simple I choose the way I want to be, nobody can tell me how to live or how to think. So if you really want to change it ultimately comes down to you.

I would also say that you need people to help because it is hard to do it alone. I have done most things alone that past few years and it has not been fun. What keeps me going it the hope that it will get better, but there are times when I don't see it, yet I keep pushing along because I believe that I can make a difference and I believe that anyone can make it and we have to be there for others and not just ourselves because people need each other. People make life more meaningful and they have to power to change people's lives. I think everyone needs to realize that because we can help others, even though we can't see how we could.

When I get down and frustrated, I need to realize that there are other people that I could help and that my problems are only temporary and that the purpose of life is to be challenged, so we can reach our full potential. Sometimes we don't get the dreams of our dreams, but I have realized that sometimes the things we often dream about our not the most important things in this life. The most important things is basically helping people realize their full potential and making them better than they were before.

It is all meaningless when you wake up every day and do what you hate and you look at yourself and wonder what have you done in this life. It's also pointless when you have nothing and nobody, you just wake up and wonder and hope, but you realize it does not change. It makes you sad and it even makes you more sad when you see people move forward in life, when you have worked so hard and yet nothing has become from that hard work. You start to wonder if doing what is right is worth it? or should you just go and do what you want because doing what is right does not make life better.

People think I am negative and I would have to say I am and it is kind of hard to overcome when you have never done anything in life. I have never done anything, just worried of the things that could happen. I have never experienced the joy of life, just the ruts of life and it gets to the point where it ruins you. It makes you down everyday and it makes you think it will never become better. People say it is my fault and that I choose the way I want to react to life situations, but that is not true. There comes a time when you need people and need to experience new things, but I don't because I have no friends. I could invite myself, but that is kind of hard to do when you have been so isolated for so long. I am not a freak, I am a normal attractive guy, I just can't overcome the thoughts of never being good enough.

I wish I could meet a girl that likes me and I like her back, but I never have. I have in the past, but I never did anything about it. It is hard for me to socialize, I usually run away when I have to because I don't feel like I belong. I never did anything with girls and so it is hard to be confident and have swag when you meet the girls you like. I usually just act all nervous and it drives me insane and I always sell myself short and think why would a girl want me, if they could only see how I see myself.

I always wonder what people think of me when they see me, but I'll never know because people never really say things to me and that does not help either because it makes you feel like you are a freak and that nobody wants to get to know you. I think people still judge me for certain things I have not done and I can't seem to get over the things I have not done in the past and it is really frustrating because you can't move forward, just backwards and that is no way to life a live.

I hope that one day it will all change and I have to realize that life can bring you down, but I still can lift people up even though life can be frustrating at times. I guess we have to be patient and take small steps forward to reach the destination. Life can be hard, but I have learned we can't give up because if there is always hope even though we can't see it. There has to be a end to the pain,the sorrow, and the shattered dreams. I know how to do that and that is to move forward and sometimes it is hard because change is scary, but it is a good thing because change makes us who we are. Change could be for the best, or it could be for the worse, but if we never try then we will become like me a person who has not done a thing at all and that is no way to live a life. Life is about joy not about enduring and I sure hope that one day I feel the real joy of this life.

reason

They say things happen for a reason and that everything falls into place. I do not believe that because if bad things happen, then why is it a good reason? or why did it happen? I am not saying bad things happen to me, I am just saying that I never like that idea that everything works out and you get what you want. I have learned that you don't always get what you want and life is not fair at times. You wonder why, but you have to make the most of what happens and you can't sit and do nothing and hope it will all work out.

That is what I have realized because if you want something, you have to do in order to achieve and that is how it all falls into place and sometimes things don't work out and bad things happen. I guess it is to make us better than we are today. Then there are times when they don't make us better, we just go back to our old attitudes and quit because we lose hope. That has happened to me numerous times. Things don't go my why and I feel like a complete failure, but I think I need to realize that I am not a failure and that I am better than I was before. I still don't see it because in my mind I have done nothing, just work, worked out, and go to school. I have watched people move on, grow up, and taste the goodness of life, while I just stare and wonder when is it my time. I don't know if I will ever have my time or even make in my standards because I have not made it. I am not talking about making money or any of that other fake stuff, I am just talking about progressing. I don't think I have progressed at all, I am the same as I was when I was younger. I have not progressed socially or even progressed in my job, and religion.

When you don't move forward that is when you become negative and start to hate the world because the only thing you see is failure and nothing else makes you happy because all you wanted was to taste what other people taste and that is success. I have success in running and other things, but those things are sports and they don't really change your life. I do those because I like competition.

When were down in the dumps and think it will never get better that is when we have to help others because it is better to change other people's lives then our own. I really believe that or I feel like I have a sense of duty to help others, even though I don't have everything all together in my own life. I know if I do help people, one day everything will improve and if not you just can't lose hope because things do work out, it just might take a little longer. So I guess we should never quit because there is always hope.

Thoughts

Sometimes we get down and frustrated and we think the universe revolves around us. We tend to think that our problems are worse than everybody else, yet I have observed that we all have the same problems. They are not the same, but they are similar and everybody has their own Goliath they have to overcome. For me that is believing in me, sometimes I think I am never good enough for anything and so I isolate myself from the world. I should not do that and I should not always think about me because I have learned that there are people who have it worse than me. I need to help these people and not worry about me because my time will come. I really think I need to help others and make them feel welcomed. Sometimes I don't feel welcomed with my church or people I meet at school and work. I get mad and say they don't care and maybe they don't, but I should not worry because I have to worry about me. I have learned the best way to feel welcomed is to seek out those people who seem sad and down. I do observe a lot and I see these things. I always think of going up to these people and saying hi, yet I don't because I think what can I do? I am nothing special, but that is wrong, we all have our own gifts and if we used those gifts we can help people reach their full potential.

That is what we are here on earth for and that is to help people and if we realize that, we can become better ourselves. I hate admitting that because I like competing, but I have realized we need to help others even if our lives are not that great. I often see people and yet I don't do anything to help them and I feel bad because I should. I know it is hard, but I am not saying we have to do huge things, we can just do small things. I know that if we help people with a real purpose, then we will improve. Just because we help others does not mean our lives will become great, I have learned that sometimes it takes time and I think that is part of live as well. It is to be tested and see if we can be patient and good even when may feel that all is lost. However it is never lost, even when we are in the pits or in a hole we can't get out, there is always light at the end. I guess that is what I need to learn, I need to be patient and realize that life is not that bad and sometimes it may not be great, but if it is not, I still need to help others because even when we are down, we still have to power to change lives of the people we meet.

Past

I sometimes run into people who used to know me and they always second guess me in my opinion. People say they actually care, but then why do they ask me questions that make me feel stupid. This one person who once knew me asked me what I have been up to and I told them I have been going to school and they asked me if I was just doing generals and taking classes. I'm sorry, but that just gets on my nerves because I am almost done with my bachelors degree, I have one more internship and then I am graduated. Then there are people who assume I go to Salt Lake Community College and I think they are so dumb that they would assume I go there when I have told them in the past that I go to the University of Utah. I think people think I am a certain way because I did not do things in the LDS church and yet that is my reason to prove those people wrong. It's like they assume I am lazy, but I work harder than most people because I have to prove them wrong. That is why I hate meeting people from the past, they just get on my nerves because they assume something I am not. That is my life, people, work, and girls always doubt me. So I have to prove them wrong and I don't feel bad for being like that, but when people assume things it just gets on my nerves.

I do like it because it gives me motivation to show them up, even though they probably don't even know that they offended me. I just feel like nobody believes in me and I have something to prove. I understand that is part of life to prove yourself in work life and personal life. It just makes me laugh when people say dumb things and assume that I am a certain way. Or maybe it's just me because I think people are judging me because of certain things I did not do. That is probably true because I don't like when people judge me. How do I know what they really think? I just assume that is what they think, but I don't truly know and that has been my whole life story and it is sad because I can't overcome it. I think that everyone is against me and that they want me to fail, but who knows what they are really thinking, only God knows. I guess that is something I have to overcome and forget and not worry because that is not what life is about. I can only worry about me and where I am going to be and hopefully that will be somewhere better than I was before.

positive

I got dissed the other day and lost it because when people try to say things that put me down, I am not going to put up with their crap. Or should I say garbage, I'm sorry, but I am really angry and still angry and let face the fact that I am still bitter and don't really want to get over it. This person told me once I am done with school I will not get a good job and that I am all talk in someways of my life. Are you serious? I already know that, but when people say things it just goes in my mind and I don't forget and I will remember and when I do make it in life, I'll make sure this douche bag knows what I did. I know we should not act like that, but I can't live my whole life and let people say crap that is not true.

That has been my life story and it is the reason for motivation on why I do certain things because I wan't to prove all those people wrong. Everyone has doubted me and never believed in me and that is why I am the way today. That is why I am isolated and don't really want to be around people because they always think they are better than you. My whole life I have never got what I really wanted, I have to often sit and watch people get what they want, while I just keep wasting my life for compaines and believe that they actually care about me. I have realized most companies do not and that has made me more bitter because people say hard work is so valauble, but I have learned some companies do not care if you work hard or not. All I have earned from working hard is a rut and I get dissed by goobs who think they know life. These experiences don't really help me out and make me stay the same because I feel like nobody has really ever truly believed in me. Even that one comment goes in the basket and I have lots of things I can't get over because people don't know that I am the person can remember things that happened to me since I was a kid.

However, I can't use those reasons for excuses in life because only cowards and losers do that. I mean people say crap all the time I guess you can't worry what they say because most of the time they are haters and they will fade away. Most of the people who say things like that are really not happy with themselves and they just want people to feel like them. I have learned if you worry what other people say, you are no better than them. There are always going to be people like that and the best thing to do is to work hard and never give up. This person is fine example of a quitter, they use excuses on why they are not the man they should be today. I have learned there is no excuse or reason why you can't become what you want to be. So never listen to those kinds of people and don't quit because if you truly work hard and try, you will get to where you want to be. You can find a job and no tragedy or situation can get in the way, the only person from stopping us is ourselves. I do believe in me and I know that I will be something better than I am today. I can't be negative because people like that are babies and they just need to grow up and I know that you can achieve anything even though I sometimes pretend you can't. So go for the dreams and do not listen to negative things people say.

raller

Sometimes people are not what the seem, they are fake and they say things that just make you want to lose it. I really wanted to go on a rant, but people are people and we have to learn how to work with others. A lot of people get on my nerves because they just seem gooberish and fake, but I should look at the good they do and how they are trying to do what is right. I think people in the country and in the world should look at the good people are trying to do. Sometimes at work I get to hear people rant on how they hate certain leaders in this world. You know, you can't control what happens or the decisions they make, but you can control how you respond or act. People think the world is going to fall apart, but I don't think it is going to fall. There will be natural disasters, wars, and maybe other things that can cause turmoil. We still have to move forward and we can't worry what could or may happen. We have to do what we know now and move forward. The world is not going to end and it is still a wonderful place to live in. If we worry about the negative then we will become insane. We have to realize that as long as there is good, we will never fall. I believe that because there is good in this world and most people in this world do things because they believe in the good and they are not bad people. I think people need to realize that and that they are at least trying to change. That is what I have realized, people do not like change, people often like things the way they are. I have learned in my own life that we have to have change in order to reach our full potential. If we never change, then we never progress and we never could have helped those people that needed our help. I really think that is the purpose of life, to help people and to try and make the world a better place. I think it is a great place to live and we should look at the good and not the bad. My whole life I have always dwelt on the bad and that is not a good way to live because it ruins you and it puts you in a rut. I have realized that I should dwell on the good and I think the world may be changing and things are happening, but we should not fear because if we believe in God, then we should know that he will never let us fail. We will have shortcomings, but if we keep trying we will reach our potential in this life. I also realized that we should look on the good people do. People do things that will always make us mad or hurt us, but we should look on what they have done and how they made the world a better place.

green

People say it always works out, but sometimes that is not true. It is a bunch of $#!), and I don't feel sorry for saying that because experiences in my life have made me think that way. We don't get what we want, we often have to taste failure and it's not a good feeling. I have tasted it too often and it is sad that things do not work out. They say if you do all the right things everything falls into place, but I am a skeptic and don't believe that all the time because I do what is right yet nothing falls into place. It is sad because you wanted to get what you wanted, yet you got failure and bitter thoughts why you. I often wonder why things don't seem to work out for me. It is sad because I don't want to keep doing the same thing over and over again. I wanted to move, yet it seems that I will be stuck in a rut for a little longer and that is sad. It is sad because you wanted more and you thought you were good at what you do, but nobody believed in you. You may wonder what I am even talking about, but it is not that hard to figure out. I am talking about my last thing I have to do in school and that is a big internship and nothing has worked out. It looks bleak and I don't know if it will work out. I had a dream to graduate in the summer, yet the companies I wanted to work for don't want me. I guess that is my life story when I think about it. I never got my first choice of where I wanted to work, I always had to go to places that were not my dream. So these experiences have made me cynical because doing the right thing does not mean you will get the promotion or the dream job. I am not trying to be negative, but that is how I feel. It seems like no one has ever wanted me and so that has made me who I am today. I want to prove all those people wrong who did not hire me or believe in me. I know I can be anything I want to be, yet these people only see one thing and they don't look at the potential somebody has. I have a lot of potential, people don't want to roll the dice on me. My goal is to be a graphic designer, yet people don't believe in me. They should realize that everything I have done in graphic design is by myself. I have no teacher, I just have me and it is sad that no realizes how hard I work because I learned from working hard and being creative. It is sad that I can't seem to find my dream internship, I want to do graphic design or web design, but nobody believes in me or they are too lazy to even respond back to me. It is sad because they say if you live right and do what is right, things will go your way, but for me they have not and I don't see anything improving. All I wanted was to achieve my dreams and graduate in the summer, but right now it looks like another setback and I have to stop and stare and wonder what went wrong. I will never give up my dreams because I know I am good at whatever I want to be and that is the same with everybody. You can be what you want to be, it might not work out at first, but you have to keep trying and sometimes people don't believe in you, but that is life. You can't worry what other people think, you have to believe in you and if you do, you can get to where you want to be.

I am a quiet kid sometimes and I watch people because that is what you do when you are shy. I know some people may not believe that I am shy, but I am. It's not easy, but that is a story for another day. I often observe people with what they say and what they do. I don't know why, I just do and sometimes it gets on my nerves because people say certain things yet they don't do them. It has made me mad sometimes or even shocked sometimes to see what people do.

However, I realized we should not look at the bad people do, we should look at the good things people do. Nobody is perfect and that is what I have to realize that sometimes people I looked up at are not perfect. I should look on the good things they do. I have and I realize that they are good people and that just like them I am not perfect. I shouldn't worry about other people, I think the best thing is to worry about me. I still need to help people, but I should not look on the things they don't do.

It is hard to look at the good in all things because of what goes on in the world today. You wonder if everything is all a coincidence or is it just the end of the world. I guess I should not worry about things I can't control. I should worry about the things I can do. I can do lots of things and I think the most important thing is he help and motivate others. I meet people and I think they are great and yet they say things that bring them down. I feel for them because I do that at times, but I know I am a great kid and I need to let these people know what I think of them. We do need to let people know what we think of them or see in them. I don't do a great job of that because I am quiet and I don't really like expressing my true thoughts. I try to be funny instead, but I realize there is nothing wrong with expressing to someone what you see in them.

I see a lot of things and sometimes I choose to react negative or cynical and I do that sometimes just to get on people's nerves. I am sorry for that because life is not to be endured, life is supposed to be enjoyed and I need to look in the good in life. Even if crazy things happen in the world today we can't quit. We still have to keep living and hoping that one day it will all work out. I know all things will work out in the end because if you do what is right, good things always come your way. They may not at first, but you have to keep pushing along because that is what life is all about. It's about never quitting and going for your hopes and dreams. Peace out!

Hi

It comes to the point where you sick of it all. You realize what you decided to do was a stupid decision and it does not get you to where you want to be. Your back to the person you once were, a procrastinator and person who never sees the good only the bad. You come to the realization that some of you dreams will always be dreams and never the reality you wanted them to be. I am not trying to be down, but I feel like I have failed and it is my fault. How can you be happy when you always think like that. You know what you should of done, but did not do it and it bothers you. I said to myself that I would be somewhere better than I am today and yet I am nowhere. Just in that same rut of a life where you wake up realize what a waste. You know you could of done better, but fear got in the way. People may wonder why I would be so open and write about my true feelings. The reason why is because I have nobody so I don't really care and if you read this now you know what I really think. It is irrational thinking, but how can you improve, when you go nowhere? It's like you hit the wall and are barley able to keep on going. I realized that today when I was running. It hurts and yet I still keep going and that is my life, it hurts, but I still have to move, but sometimes it is so hard and yet no one cares. I realize it is my fault for my shortcomings, but you wish you could get help, but no one is there. I have been thinking like that for years and I don't really see any hope on the horizon. All of my hard work has gotten me nowhere, but it is my fault and so I have no one to blame. I should be something by now and yet I am still the same. I am a good kid, but that does not mean your life improves. For me it just has been more frustrating. You see people you care for and yet you can't tell them how you really think because you just can't get the courage and so they move on without you. Then you stay in your shell and never get out and that is the worst feeling of all and I hope I'll get out, but who knows if I will. I have being saying for years and I guess I just have to keep pushing along, even though it hurts. Kind of like in running it hurts so bad, yet you keep on moving because you hope it will get better. I don't know if it ever will, it is 2010 and I am still the same. I am almost done with a degree I hate and what will I do after that? Who knows, but I know probably the same garbage and garbage I hate because I fear. Fear has ruined my life. My self doubt and never good enough ruined me and maybe that is why I am where I am today because of me. Not because of someone else, no, I am the reason for where I am today and it is sad because people say you should be happy in your twenties, but I'm not. It is just a routine and you wish it would change, but it has not. So I beat myself up and say I am never good enough for anything until I make it. Yet what is making it? I don't know, I thought it was finishing school, but that is not true at all. My schooling career has ruined me. It has made me hate life even more, everyone is you competition and it is all about making money. I am not like that, no I am not like that. I want to help people and change their lives and that is my dream, but no one ever gives me opportunities to do that, so I guess I have to do it on my own. It is dark and cold and maybe one day I'll get to the light and realized it was worth it, but I don't know if that day will ever come because I make life so hard. It is not joyous anymore, it is a rut and it is awful and it is the worst feeling in the world. Maybe one day I'll heal and overcome and when I do I will be an example and not use my success for my own gain. I truly want to help people reach their destiny and if I do that it does not really matter what I did or became in this life.

To the people who actually know me and read this, I am sorry you have to read this, but this is my blog and this is how I truly feel. I can't keep my thoughts in all the time because if I did I would go nuts. So this is my outlet and I hope nobody reads my blog, but if you do I hope you know that I do have hope and even though it may all seem lost it will get better. Sometimes it takes some people longer to get to where they want to be. Some people have different problems or trials. I guess this is mine, I have to overcome those thoughts of not being good and realize that I am great. I truly believe that in this life we are supposed to help people and if I never helped you in you life I am sorry because I do feel bad when I don't do things, when I known I should have. The world would be a different place if we helped people and maybe if we do that ourselves, we can change the world and make it a better place. So help people and it never has to be big. Great things are always done through small things and if we do that we can make a difference. I know that, even though I may be down a lot, but I still have to help people because that is how I truly feel. I could have the worst life ever, but I still need to help others because people need help to. This thought always goes through my mind when I am at school, church, or work. People need my help and I can help them or make them feel like they belong. If I do, I will forget about me for a second and realize if I do fail, it is not so bad. We can always change and sometimes it may take a longer, but life is like running a race, we just have to go at our own pace to get to our destination. My destination is to grow up and become an adult because that is the purpose of life. It is to experience joy and that is what I want and if I don't achieve that, then I can't quit. I got to do the things I have been taught and believe that everything will become what it was supposed to be. So never give up even when your are in the darkest of times because you are not alone. There is someone always watching over you and they won't let you fail if you do what is right. Who is that person it is God. He is there, he is aware, even though we may think he is not. He is there and he knows everything about us. He does not want us to fail and he can make us whole and complete. We just have to have faith he can and when we realize that we can become complete, we can achieve our dreams and reach our full potential.

It is all meaningless when you do what you hate. It is the truth and trying to please others is not worth it either. It just makes you more frustrated and you lose thoughts and emotions and become a machine. Your thoughts of good just become thoughts of emptiness, sorrow, and darkness. You wonder what you did wrong, but you really did nothing wrong and you think whatever people say or you learn is not true. People may say you choose the way you want to react, but sometimes things just don't work out and it can be devastating. Most people don't think about that, because they are all into themselves and yet they think they know what they are saying. Maybe people should observe before they say things to people because they don't know where that person is coming from.

I realized it is all meaningless years ago. I wasted my life for stupid things and it just made me frustrated and people tell me that I chose the way I want to react to situations. However, it is kind of hard to be positive when nothing sparks or you have anything that you would consider progression. I often feel thoughts of isolation, actually I do all the time because I don't believe that things work out happily ever after. I have hope, but it can be shattered in a few seconds because of the things I observe from other people. Sometimes good people have problems and they don't deserve it and you wonder why they do, but it is just part of life. That is just stupid sometimes because people need help and they say you can do it by yourself. I realize I can't but there is no one there to help me. I have helped myself and I really do feel that way. People are fake, especially the people who say they are your friends and would never be there for you when you needed them. I guess it's okay because we are all competition and why would you want to help someone. I not a freak, I am just a kid who has been on the outside and wanting to come on the inside for a long time.

However, those things have not happened. I played second fiddle for people and been used and that makes me mad, but when you do nothing socially you will go anyways because you can't bare the thought of being alone. No one wants to be alone, but I am and I never see it changing. I don't meet the girls of my dreams. The ones I meet are fake and they just pretend they were your friend. I guess that is life, to feel despair and hopeless. To see everyone else move forward while you are just staring down at the valley after a run on a Friday night and wondering why. You did the right things, but you realize you must not be good enough. These thoughts are what I feel when I run. You wished it could get better, but it doesn't the thoughts of failing go through you mind and you wonder why, but you put a fake face on so on one can tell. I am good, but I guess in socializing; I am not because my experiences have never been good. The friends I once had all left and the girls of my dreams turn out to be fake and they just play you. The girls I actually like move on without you and it makes you mad because you know you are a great person, but yet they settle. That is what a lot of people do in life they settle and they say it's okay. There is no way in hell I am going to settle because my whole life I have had doubters in things I have done.

So I am going to be something because I have been hurt and when you have been hurt you want to become better because you feel like no one believed in you. If when I do find the right people and the girl that believes in me, I will never fail them because they believed in me and saw my potential. That is what we should do for everyone even though they may hate us. Say those things that might make them inspired and never tell them they can't because if you do they could be down and out and I sure could not do that to someone. I know things do work out, but can they can take years. Just never let go, even when you are at the point of quitting. I don't know if it will work out for me, but I sure hope it does and if I do make I can't become cocky. No, I have to use my success and show how anyone can achieve their dreams and desires.

I am often lucky enough to here people talk about what they do for a career and how they made it. Actually I am not lucky enough, I am annoyed because I don't really care what they did or how they became what they are. To me work will always be lame and that may seem negative, but it just gets to the point where you get sick of it all. I am from two worlds because when you go to college it is all about making money and then when I do to the other parts of my life, like church, you are supposed to help people. Yet in college I feel like everyone is my competition and they are not my friends. I am only there for me and not for them and it seems kind of bad to feel that way, but that is what I have been taught in my collegiate career. Why would I want someone to better than me on a art project or a poster I created. I am sorry, I want to be the best and I will do whatever it takes to show them up. I really feel bad that I think this way, but I feel like no one has ever believed in me. So I don't really care if people fail or not. I know I should not be like that, but it is kind of hard especially in this world. Especially when there is no one there to encourage you or be you friend. I reflect on my college career and I hated it. It was never fun, no one really said a word to me. People really never helped me and when I was in groups they never believed in me. So I isolated myself and that is not good because it makes you not complete. People say I should be glad that I am almost done with school, yet I am not, I feel like it has been a complete waste because I did not really do what I wanted to do. It took me years to decide on a major. It is hard to do what you want to do when no one really believes in you, I mean nobody has ever really encouraged me. All I have been told to do is that finish college and the doors will open. Yet to me they still seem closed and that is why I don't care when people come and talk to my classes and say how they made it.

Money does not mean you made it and I like money, but it is not the most important thing in this life. It is important to make money to take care of yourself and family, but I have learned that working your life away for a company is never worth it. I worked four years at my current job and they don't really care about me. I worked hard, but I have learned it doesn't matter and it is time go somewhere else. Even though I have down times in life, I still know in my mind and heart that I should be helping people. I watch and observe people and there are times when I just ignore them because I think why should I care, if no one really cares about me. I know I should not be like that and I should help people even though I may dislike them . That is the true meaning of success. You think of everything people do and you realize that the people that are happy are the ones who go above and beyond and help others. I don't see that today in college, but I can do my part. No job will truly bring you happiness and that is my own opinion. If you want to be the best you have to waste hours on hours to get to where you want to be and then there are times when you get there and you wonder if it was worth it or not. You will lose your families and friends and even the most important times of you life when you work for something you want real bad. Everything has a price and the thought is are we willing to pay for it? I don't know what I want to be, but I do like creating and making things look better in art because that is my passion. I like when other people enjoy something I created because it makes me happy and that is how God feels when we help others for the right reasons. It makes him smile because we went the extra mile. I know that I need to help others all the time even when I am down and in the dumps because everyone has their own gifts and we can use those gifts to help people reach their full potential. If we forget about ourselves, one day things will work out and the despairs and failures will come to an end and those feelings will turn into hope. Eventually those dreams and hopes will turn into reality. However, we don't have to be a baller or a raller to help people. No, you can be anything and that is the greatest thing about helping others because anyone can do it. If people realized that, think of how great the world would be. We often sell ourselves short and believe we can't make a difference, but everyone can because everyone is like a snowflake. They are all different, but when they come together they can create something that is beautiful.

Peace out any maybe one day I will realize my full potential

Jazz

Sometimes we don't get what we want. Sometimes we fail and it takes longer to get to where we want to be. Then there are times when we look at other people and compare ourselves and sell ourselves short because we think we are not good enough. Then there are times when we want more and we know we can do more, but no one believes in us. Then there are times when you see people you loved, liked, and care for move on without you.

These things can make us fall and never want to get up, but that is part of life. We have trials and setbacks because they make us better. They makes us better because you realize that it's not so bad and that one day it will all come together. That is the hardest thing to believe in sometimes because if nothing changes you might lose hope. It is hard to focus ,but the best thing to do is focus on others and then you will realize it's not so bad and there will be light at the end.

I often get discouraged, but I have to realize that is life and sometimes it is not fun. I guess these things have made me grow, even though I see nothing. I have learned that and been taught that when we are down, we should help other people. I realized this the other day. I saw a Valentines Day commercial and it's all about the person you love. Then I thought what about all those people who are sad and down. We need to show them that we care and that someone is aware of them.

Valentines Day is about love, but love is not always what you think. There is love for another person, but there is also a love called caring. That is what I realized I need to do because I was just in one of my moments when I realized why I hate Valentines Day. I have no girlfriend and to me it's just a stupid holiday. Then I realized we can show other people that we care by doing small things for them. I do not know what I will do, but I think I need to be more aware of other people's feelings. We often focus on our own problems and yet there are people who need help. They may not show it on the outside, but on the inside they do. That is the purpose of life. I have written about it before, but showing people you are aware and care is one of the greatest things someone can do. I realize I need to do better and hopefully I will. You don't have to be rich or something great to show that you care. No, you can show how you care be treating people with kindness and helping them reach their destiny.

For me it is hard because I don't truly express to people how I really care. I guess I should thank them or do something nice for them. It is hard sometimes to express you feelings, but I think if you do, people will be shocked and realize the real you. I think if we help others we will move forward as well. There will be setbacks as you move forward, but that is the part of this life. It is to be tested and see if we will last to the end. I have been frustrated as of late, but I can't quit. I have to keep moving and if I do, I'll realize if it was worth it or not.

Ever After

I see and yet I see myself and where have I gone? Nowhere, it really hurts and who cares because we all fail. Most people don't, I have. I see goobs move forward and other people that are annoying and that is sad. It's ***** and that is all I can say. I don't really believe in friends either, there is no such thing and people who say they are your friends are really not. It's kind of like facebook, they are only there for you when they need you. I don't believe in friends because of my experiences in life. I will admit I have been a crappy friend at times, but who cares they got to move on in life and they did not need me. I needed people at times, but they forgotten me and I don't care anymore because you get in the rut and you just say it's okay, even though it is not. The real me does not see it ever changing and that is my own fault, but who cares because everyone has problems.

I also don't really believe that there is someone out there for me as well. I know people say all the BS about just keep trying and it will all work out. I am sorry, but I have worked hard in life and all I have seen is goob people get the girls and yet I'm on the pine getting splinters. It is my fault and that is what everyone will tell me. There comes a time in you life when you need help, but there is no one there to reach for you. So these experiences make me not care. There are times when I am at work I don't care because I don't give a crap about them because of all the stuff that goes through my mind. They enjoy life, while I waste my life doing crap for what? I don't know anymore, I thought doing all these things like going to college and doing what is right would improve your life. Mine has not, I meet people, but that is not what I want. I want to meet people that are into me. Like girls, I am tired of meeting girls that are just dumb. I don't really meet a lot because I am shy and that will never change either. I say it will happen, but is still has not. I am no ugly man, it's just I can't open up when I am around people. I'm sorry, that is not who I am. So I try to be funny, but being funny is overrated at times. I have come to the realization I will never meet any girl that is really into me. I meet phonies and girls that are just lame. I'm sorry I don't want to play stupid games with a girl. I just want to meet a girl that likes me and I like her and take it on from there.

I usually end up meeting girls that are in relationships or say they are dating someone. All I have to say to that is leave me alone. Sometimes you meet these people and they are weird and you want to ask them why they are not married if they have been together for such a long time. I am not trying to be rude, but if I found a girl I was into, I sure won't waste my time trying to figure out if it is right. There comes a time when you realize it is right and you just take it from there. I am sorry, but I feel like people in this world have to make it so hard. If you found someone that you know you love, then why not get married. That is all I have, I am tired of seeing people that have been together forever and do nothing about it. It just makes no sense and I don't even know why I care. Maybe because I want to feel what they have. I feel nothing. All I feel is negative, pain, hopeless and the great thing that always sticks in my mind, never good enough.

sometimes

I often make jokes about people and say people settle for kettle and get cream instead of go for their dreams. Yet I am the one who has settled and wasted time. I chose a major and what do I do, I get to work with people who are obsessed with sports and think they are going to make it big time. That is so lame, but I don't really care about that. I am just frustrated because you say you will do certain things, yet you go back to your old ways. It is kind of hard to move forward when no one believes in you and is there for you. I don't think anyone is there for me and they are more like my competition. I really don't think people believe in me, they often forget about me. The one thing that bothers me is people in my church, I feel like no one has ever believed in me, they always have the same people doing things and they never let anyone else do anything. It gets on my nerves and it makes me anti-social. I do choose to be that way, but it is hard to be social when no one says a thing to you. I feel like people are fake and they say things and yet they never practice what they preach. I think I can do things in my church, yet no one has ever given me chances. I do things, but they are things I have already done and how will doing the same things all the time help me progress and move forward? I guess they don't really care and just like in the working world nobody really cares. It is all about beating each other out for the job and working only for you and not because you want to help change the world. These are thoughts that I think , I don't think I will ever change them because when you don't have experiences that help you grow, you become a cynic. I worked hard my whole life and what have I learned from it? I learned that there are people who take advantage of you and the companies I have worked for don't really care how hard I work. It kind of ruins you because you believed that hard work would get you somewhere, but for me it has not and it is sad. I guess I need to grow up and move on.

That is what I have learned with frustrations we control how we feel and we can decide what we truly want to do. If we don't like something, then we should move on. If my ward does not let me do more, then I should leave. If I hate what I do I have the power to move. We are not trees, we can move. That is one of the hardest things to do because moving forward is scary. People are afraid of change and so they settle and that is what I have done. I have been afraid and I need to realize that I can do anything I want to do and that no one or anything can stop me from reaching my dreams. If you still have the hope in your mind and dreams in your heart, then these things will make you move. Sometimes it takes a little longer to get there, but it will happen in the end. It is not about becoming the greatest in the beginning. That does not determine success, there are people who have done that, however everyone is not the same. I have learned that in my life if I keep taking a little step forward, I'll eventually get to where I am supposed to be. It is hard to think like this especially when you are around people that are cynical and negative because they bring you down. I have been like that too and I realized I should not be like that because nobody likes those kinds of people and I feel bad that I have acted like that. If I keep trying and think I can, good things will happen and they may be different than what we expected , but if we keep moving forward, life will be alright.

I run for Sandy City

Never give up and when all seems dark just keep moving forward. Life is like running we just have to move forward and sometimes it may seem hard, but we just have to keep moving. Then there are times when we are scared to move and just like in running, we just go a little bit farther and farther. When you do that you realize your potential. For me it has been hard because sometimes things don't go your way. You just want to stop and stay were you are, but I can't and no one should because if you keep moving you will reach your destiny.

What is my destiny?I don't know but I do think life is about helping others and progressing in relationships. That is the purpose of life. I really think that and there are times when we go off the path or have setbacks. These things happen, but we have to move forward and never look back. I see a lot of people and what they do and it is sad because I thought they were great people. They are good, but they just do stupid things. You see people you once knew go off into the deep end. The world would say they are finding themselves. I would disagree. How could you find yourself by drinking, drugs, and doing other things that are just pointless. It is hard for me to see these people what they have become because I used to think they were great. They still are great, they just do dumb things. The world would say it's fun, but I don't think it is. I don't see how wasting you lives doing dumb things like drugs, booze, and worldly stuff is meaningful. Not that is wrong, I just don't get it, to me it seems pointless.

These people have gotten lost and they need help to realize their potential. Sometimes I need to realize my potential, I have often sold myself short because I did not do certain things in life. However, I realized that is not true because if you work hard , you can be anything you want to be. If people judge you for the past then they are fake. I used to worry what people thought of me and sometimes I still do. It has taken me a long time to overcome that. I have realized that you will always be judged and it really does not mean a thing until that person gets to know you.

These things are like setbacks in running, they would try to keep you from moving forward. Sometimes they really destroy you, but you have to keep trying. It is hard sometimes because you don't get what you want or things happen, but I have learned that everything will work out in end. The negative me still has a hard time believing this because I have not gotten everything I want, I guess I just have to keep moving and not think about. It will come one day even though I can't see the end. I have to visualize it and then I'll get there. That is the same in running, when you first start you can't see the end, but in your mind you can and that is the focus while your running. Things may get in the way like injuries or bad weather. However, you keep moving and then you get to the end. You realized it was hard, but it was worth it. So never give up your dreams or hopes of relationships, or any other thing your heart desires because eventually it will happen if you keep moving forward.

Purpose

Recent events around the world have kept me thinking. I always worry in the first place of bad things that can happen anyways. However, these things that happen make me realize what is really important in life? Does it really matter how much money I made? or does it matter who I helped and what I became? Everything can be taken away in a blink of any eye. I think I need to have priorities of what is important to me. I already know what is important, but sometimes things get in the way. It is important for me to move forward and meet a girl. That is important because that is the purpose of life. It's not the main purpose, but I am pretty sure most people in the world want to get married and have a family of their own. That scares me as well because what if bad things happen when I have kids and a wife. I can't protect them from natural disasters or any other things that can harm people. I should not think about things like that, but how can you not when you see what goes on in the world today. You know something will happen and the thing is will I be ready?I don't know and that is why I have to prepare because we don't know what can happen because the world can change in a blink of an eye. That is why it is important to have your priorities strait because in the end it won't matter what we became. It matters who we helped, who we picked up, and motivated. I believe that and that is the purpose of life. We are here to help others and when we realize that is our purpose then our lives will get better. There is not a better feeling when you help someone you care for or just want to help. Nothing in this world can make you feel that way. They could, but they don't truly last because things like money and possessions are temporal and eventually they don't make you happy. There is a part of me that would say those things make you happy because who does not like possessions. I do, but I have realized none of those things can compare to what I felt when I actually have cared for someone or done something for them. I am not saying that I have to be soldier, doctor, or any other positions that saves lives. I can help people with what I do. I like inspiring people with art. Some of my work it depressing, but that is my expression of certain feelings in my life. However, I think art has the power to inspire people if you use it the right way. Today art most is depressing, but there still is good art that inspires people. I do not have to use art to help people; no I can just do the small things. The small things are the greatest things one can do. I believe in that because sometimes the small things can have a huge impact on someones life. I think they do, even though we may feel that it has done nothing or it was just a waste of time. Most people don't express their true feeling, so we don't know, but I know that the small things do help people. Great things help people as well, but the small things are signs that you really care and it shows the world who you really are. That is what life is about and it is also to be happy. Sometimes it is hard to be happy, but we should look at what have and what we have done and then we realize how blessed we really are. Life is about helping others, how much I would want to argue it, it is true. You get married, you have a family, and you work with people. You may not think you are helping them, however in a sense we are because our purpose is to help them reach their full potential. We are the tools to their success and everyone has potential. The cynics and the cynic in me would say, "why would you want to do that because everyone is our competition." I have realized if we could help everyone realize their full potential the world would be a better place. You think about and it is true because people who do the wrong things were not helped. No one helped them realized who they are and what their potential can be. That is why I need to do that wherever I go work, or whoever I marry or any other person I come in contact with. I am not saying we have to tell everyone in the world what they should be doing. I am just saying that the people we see everyday, we can help them realize what we see in them. The other day this girl I work with she said she can't do sell a certain product because she is not good at it. I told her you can be good at whatever you want to be and I said you never know until you try. That is what we need to do we need to encourage people to get out of their comfort zone and help them reach their full potential and let them become who they were born to be. I realized that in my own life. The people who are successful in life are the ones who keep going. An example is Lebron James. People may not like him, but I do and he said one of the greatest things I ever heard. They asked him if he is afraid to fail and he said no. Lebron went on saying you have to fail in order to have success. That is what I think when it comes down to life. When there is a new job, a scary class, or being more social. We have to realize we can't be afraid to fail because if we don't try we will never know our true potential. That is also what we have to do for other people, we have to let them know that failing is not failing because it helps you learn who your really are.

Inversion

Sometimes I wonder if it will ever come together. I don't know if it ever will. Everything I worked hard for is meaningless when you don't do anything. Status, jobs, and other things don't matter when you do nothing. What I am writing about? I am writing about being normal and socializing. I don't do that, I hang out with people, but it is not fun anymore. There comes a time in your life when you get frustrated and want more. I got a 4.0 last semester, but it is all pointless when you have nothing to look froward to. I just run, work, workout. I have to and it has ruined me. People probably might think I am crazy, but I have to do things like that before I have fun. However, trying to be perfect in all things is not fun, it just makes you more bitter and frustrated. Sometimes it is my fault because I don't try and go out of my comfort zone. However, when you don't really have friends you hang out with all the time, it is hard to come back to where you once were. I want more in this life and that is all am saying. I want to date, I don't care about seeing my old friends, I just want to meet a girl and move forward with that person I like. This sounds kind of lame coming from me because I don't really express to people how I really feel. That is how I really feel and that is what life is. It is meeting someone you like and then maybe one day you will marry that person. I know if I were to get married I would have to grow up and be more mature, but that is a reason to grow up. People say it is fun doing whatever you want and being single. It is not, it is, but for me it hasn't. My single days just consist of doing nothing, so I don't really care about being a bachelor or partying it up. I want to meet someone and get married one day. I think everyone does deep down inside even if they won't admit it. Who would want to be alone, it is horrible and I feel bad for those people who are alone because I've been alone and it is not fun. I think when you are with someone you have more power, more focus, and a greater desire to succeed. That is how I feel because if I ever do get married, I can not be a failure because that is who I am. People might see me as laid back, but I am not I am always striving to work harder because hard work has gotten me to where I am today. I still have to keep working to get to where I need to be. I don't know why I am talking about relationships, but I think about it a lot and I hope one day I'll meet that girl I want to marry. Nothing else in this life matters besides that because everything else if fake. I can waste my whole life working trying to become the greatest, but in the end it won't bring me happiness. Some people may say that being married will not bring you happiness either because eventually you will get sick of each other. I won't be like that because I believe that being with someone you love is probably the greatest feeling in the world and that is why it is important to marry the right person. Maybe one day I'll know, but the negative me does not see any change coming anytime soon because I have to spend most of my time right now with school, work, running, and working out. I hope this will be the year I get out of my anti-social ways and meet people and maybe even one day getting married. I realized I have to do in order to achieve these wants and I wish I could have the power to stop being so anti-social. However, it is hard to break old habits when you are in a comfort zone and in a rut.

look

I know that people read this blog and I know that some people in my family read this blog. I really don't want people to read this because this is how I really feel sometimes and I don't really want people to know how I really feel. I created this blog for a school, but I still kept writing because it's kind of like a journal, but not really. Anyways, I have realized why should I worry what other people think because it does not matter what they think, they don't truly know me. I learned that because I have always been concerned that people might judge me. Then someone told me once that you will always be judged, but that does not mean those things are true because they don't really know you. If you read this and judge me about what I say and write I can't worry because you don't really know who I am. We are always going to be judged for everything we do by others, but that does not mean we can't accomplish anything. I realized in life we can do anything and we can't worry about what other people may say. We just have to work for what we want and sometimes we might have to work a little harder for the things we want in the life. Hard work is the key to success, that is what I have learned and if you put forth the effort eventually you will reach your goals, hopes, and dreams. Life is about doing and not about thinking.

Life is also about helping others as well. I have written about that before, but that is the main purpose of life. It is to help others. If you think about it, everything we do is helping others. I am talking about careers or jobs or any other ways we are in contact with people. I don't know if I truly helped someone, but we are helping people in one form of another. If you think about it, it is true. Even the most stupid things help people in some way or another. An example would be movies. They don't cure people, but they help people get away from reality for a short time. Even where I work I am helping people. I don't know if it is great what I am doing, but these small things are helping people in their lives. That is why I realized I need to be more patient sometimes because some of these people we meet have problems of their own and if we are not nice to them, we could make them feel worse or even offend them. I need to work on those kinds of things. It is weird that I observe these kind of things, but that is who I am. I often think a lot and observe a lot because that is just who I am.