It is all meaningless when you do what you hate. It is the truth and trying to please others is not worth it either. It just makes you more frustrated and you lose thoughts and emotions and become a machine. Your thoughts of good just become thoughts of emptiness, sorrow, and darkness. You wonder what you did wrong, but you really did nothing wrong and you think whatever people say or you learn is not true. People may say you choose the way you want to react, but sometimes things just don't work out and it can be devastating. Most people don't think about that, because they are all into themselves and yet they think they know what they are saying. Maybe people should observe before they say things to people because they don't know where that person is coming from.

I realized it is all meaningless years ago. I wasted my life for stupid things and it just made me frustrated and people tell me that I chose the way I want to react to situations. However, it is kind of hard to be positive when nothing sparks or you have anything that you would consider progression. I often feel thoughts of isolation, actually I do all the time because I don't believe that things work out happily ever after. I have hope, but it can be shattered in a few seconds because of the things I observe from other people. Sometimes good people have problems and they don't deserve it and you wonder why they do, but it is just part of life. That is just stupid sometimes because people need help and they say you can do it by yourself. I realize I can't but there is no one there to help me. I have helped myself and I really do feel that way. People are fake, especially the people who say they are your friends and would never be there for you when you needed them. I guess it's okay because we are all competition and why would you want to help someone. I not a freak, I am just a kid who has been on the outside and wanting to come on the inside for a long time.

However, those things have not happened. I played second fiddle for people and been used and that makes me mad, but when you do nothing socially you will go anyways because you can't bare the thought of being alone. No one wants to be alone, but I am and I never see it changing. I don't meet the girls of my dreams. The ones I meet are fake and they just pretend they were your friend. I guess that is life, to feel despair and hopeless. To see everyone else move forward while you are just staring down at the valley after a run on a Friday night and wondering why. You did the right things, but you realize you must not be good enough. These thoughts are what I feel when I run. You wished it could get better, but it doesn't the thoughts of failing go through you mind and you wonder why, but you put a fake face on so on one can tell. I am good, but I guess in socializing; I am not because my experiences have never been good. The friends I once had all left and the girls of my dreams turn out to be fake and they just play you. The girls I actually like move on without you and it makes you mad because you know you are a great person, but yet they settle. That is what a lot of people do in life they settle and they say it's okay. There is no way in hell I am going to settle because my whole life I have had doubters in things I have done.

So I am going to be something because I have been hurt and when you have been hurt you want to become better because you feel like no one believed in you. If when I do find the right people and the girl that believes in me, I will never fail them because they believed in me and saw my potential. That is what we should do for everyone even though they may hate us. Say those things that might make them inspired and never tell them they can't because if you do they could be down and out and I sure could not do that to someone. I know things do work out, but can they can take years. Just never let go, even when you are at the point of quitting. I don't know if it will work out for me, but I sure hope it does and if I do make I can't become cocky. No, I have to use my success and show how anyone can achieve their dreams and desires.