This Summer is going to hurt...... Sometimes it really does hurt. I wonder why things get to me. The other day I was at work and this girl came in with her man. I'm was wondering why she was here because she does not ever live close to where I work. I just bailed and hid. I wonder why she came in. Maybe to rub it in my face that she is engaged to be married and that I lost. Do I know this girl? Yes, I do know her. She made so angry and she was a jerk and a flake to me. We never even dated, but we hung out and we both had interest in each other, but every time she would want to do something she would either bail or not respond after she told me she wanted to do something. I wonder why you would do that to someone? Play games. I did not care because back in that day there was another girl I was pining for and they turned out to be a waste of time. People may ask me why I would consider it a waste of time? If a girl says she does not know if she likes you, but still wants to do things with you, is a waste of time. It hurts. Just like when the girl came in my store. Did she want to prove a point? I don't know. Maybe it was just random, but it's hard to forget about people from your past when there is unfinished business because you just wish things could have been different. I wonder why I even care, a part of me knew that I could never be in a real relationship with her after I sat on her porch on a summer night last year. A few years before that a thought came to me that I needed to pursue this girl and the funny thing is she felt the same way too. That is why I don't get it. If she was someone I was really suppose to pursue, then why did it not work out? I don't know. Sometimes what we think is right, it not always right. It's hard to let it go. Losing a opportunity to be in a relationship is like losing in sports. You can pretend you're happy, but you're never happy. Losing to another guy is never a good feeling. I wonder why we care? If it was not meant to be, then it's not meant to be..
As time goes by I glance at people from my past. See what they're doing on facebook and then I look at me and I've been doing the exact same thing for years. Maybe that is why I can never feel anything like being in a relationship because people don't believe in me. Or maybe that's just me talking and I need to realize that you can't always be so hard on yourself. We can do anything we want to be, but there are times when some things have to be put to bed. Some goals are so big you just have to start small and maybe one day you will get to that goal.
I realize most people never become what they say they're going to do. Most of us don't become what we really want to be. It's not because we did not try. Sometimes we are just not good at what we want to be. So we have to find something else. In the end none of that matters. I guess the main thing I learn is to forget about your life and go find someone else to help. I don't know if I ever inspired anyone from helping them, but at least I tried. That's all that really matters in the end....
