raller

I love to run. I usually run everyday and when I run I think I am invincible, but after today I learned I might not be. I almost got hit. I was a like a second or two from being toast. For some reason, the car just missed me. My life did not flash before my eyes. I just concluded that life can end at any moment and so we have to make the most of life. Sometimes it is not fun, while other times it is great. I have learned we are the ones who make it what it is and I learned to never hold back because if you do you might have regrets of what you should have and could have done. So when I kept on running I realized, I am still alive and that I can't just stop and stare. I got to live and go for the dream. I can't just sit and wallow in pity. I got to go for what I want and what I can do for others.

Sometimes I feel like the Miami Heat. I have the potential to be the best or be successful in my life, yet I end up choking in the end and get stuck rut that ends with the same results. It hurts when you fall backwards and keep going down. I guess that is the purpose of life because sometimes shiz happens. It hurts more when you see people you know move forward. You see them, but it's like they can't see you because they forget about you. It's like being dead. You are the exact same person, yet everyone else moves around you and they seem to progress, but you can't because you are dead. It even hurts more when you see a girl you really care about move on without you. I guess that is my fault because I never do a thing. I just sit there and hope it will all come together, but it never does. It has happened to me many times with girls. I have concluded that maybe people just don't like me. I start to wonder if they do. I wonder if I'll ever make a comeback. People might wonder what I mean when I say comeback. I think I can do better than where I am at today. I have done a lot of things in life, like graduate from college, but I feel that I can do more than what I am currently doing . So when you don't do a thing, it depresses you and when you get in a depressed mood, you can't move forward and only thoughts of never being good enough get in the way. I do think I am never good enough because I have done so many things to make me good enough, but I'm still not good enough in my mind. That is why I don't smile and that is why I don't talk. What do I have to offer this world? Those thoughts get to me and so does not doing anything with humans. People think you can make it alone, but that's a lie. I can't make it and it's no fun. I wonder if it will ever get better, but it does not and so I have to come to the conclusion that it's me or just my stupid thoughts.

I realize it's my stupid thoughts because life was meant to be lived. Shiz does happen, but it's okay because it's part of life. When we are down, we should focus on others because that is why we are really here. I tend to forget that, but it comes back to me when I do things for my church. I see people in my church that need help and try, but trying is not good enough. I want them to feel the happiness that they want and if I never become happy it's okay because I helped them come back. When it never works out with work or even school it's okay because you can always comeback. Even when it comes to girls, you can always come back. I realized you can't be mad when or if the girl of your dreams dumps you. I have learned if you truly care about that person, you should be happy if they move forward even if is without you. I have learned we have to let things go and that it really does not matter what we achieved on earth. Some people say it does and it matters if you did not live life to the fullest. That stuff is fake because when it comes to the end of all things, all that matters is what we did for others. Once that happens, that is when you might move forward, but if you don't I guess you still have to have the hope that one day it will be better.

I wonder why people get mad when things don't go their way. I always wondered that because sometimes in life, things don't work out. Sometimes you don't get the dream you always wanted or the girl you always wanted. Or it's the other way around, when a girl likes you, but you don't see yourself liking her. Those things hurt and it hurts when people are mad at you just because you don't like them like that. Sometimes it was not meant to be. I don't have experience in this because I truly have never liked someone. I liked girls, but never has there ever been a girl that has made me want to put childish things away and become a man. ha ha

I just don't comprehend that thought. I don't see myself ever liking a girl forever or until death. I don't see how it's possible. It may sound negative, but it's true. The people I know dream of that. Where they can be with that special someone for the rest of their life. I had the dream once, but it went out years ago. I don't see how someone could love you forever. It has never made sense to me. So has the thought that once we get married, we will be happily ever after. I don't get that either because there is no such thing as that in this life because one day you are going to have to die. That may sound sad, but it's true and why should I worry about my life, if there are so many people on this earth that need more help than I do. Does it really matter if I get what I want? I don't know, but I realized true happiness is not found in marriage. It is, but in reality it's not the most important thing on why we are here. Sometimes I wonder why we are here at this time because the world seems like it's falling from greatness to mediocrity. I guess things happen for a reason, but I can't worry about what the world does or how worse it can become. I have to worry about what I can do. What I can do is look for the good and make people realize their true potential. As I write this my body feels bad, maybe it's because I am bad or never good enough. Who really knows why I feel the way I do, but one thing I know is anybody can make a difference. Anybody can inspire somebody or something. It just all has to start with you.

It hurts when you are on the outside and wanting to get in. What you see inside is something you always wanted, yet you will never have. I don't believe in happy endings and never will. Maybe for some, but to me there is no happy ending. Just that sad realization that you wasted your time and wonder why you could have done. That is why I can't look inside anymore. I just see everyone else moving and having a good time. Yet I'm alone on the outside wondering if I'll ever come in. usually I don't. I let opportunities pass me by and one day I'll be there wondering what the hell happened. Life is what we make it, but I still don't believe in people. I never do. They fail me or I fail them. Some try to let me in, but I just put them out. I watch everyone else get there happy ending, yet I never have mine. I say it's going to come together, yet it never does. I sit here and wait and wonder what I wait for. I have seen people I care for pass on and girls I really cared for move on. They moved on alright, but it was without me. I realize it's my fault and I never did a thing. Just hoped for the next move, yet I realized in life you can't stop and stare because you really will go nowhere.

It truly never gets better. People say it does, but I can't be young forever, so how can it get better? It really does hurt when you look in the window and see your friends. Yet you are out there in the cold just sitting and waiting to get in. I guess you can't put your focus on people because they are people and people are not perfect. There is one person that is always willing to let you in. No matter how bad we screw up in this life. He is just sitting there waiting to let you in and to embrace you and to show you who you really are. Yet at times we never let him in. When we do let him in, that is when we realized the failures and shortcoming of life are not so bad because it's just a minor thing in the grand scheme of things. I realize I can't be down and no matter how crappy life can get or we think it is, we can always make a difference because there are people out there on the outside just like us. All we need to do is open our eyes and look...........

It hurts when you can't even get to the first round. It even hurts worse when you sail your own ship and get stuck in a rut. It even hurts more when a girl goes for some goob. Or on second thought you start to wonder if you're the the goob. When you realize that, that is when you start to go backwards in life. Life is supposed to be about moving forward, but moving forward makes us get closer to the end. Our bodies fail us, just like our hearts. If there is a point to it all, then why do we fail and never come back. So when you fail and people say the truth, it hurts like an arrow to the knee. Why do we get offended when people tell us the truth? Maybe because we don't want people to see that we are weak and that in reality we are all talk and don't know what the hell we are doing. It's sad, kind of like this life. It may get better, but usually never does. It's just the same stuff, but a different way and if you don't do stuff for anybody, then you most likely will fail in the next life. The next life will be great, but to get there you have to be perfect here on earth. Well, According to some religions you do. I thought you could make it, but realized it's impossible at times. You have to be good enough, yet we never are. We settle and focus on ourselves and even if you are good, it's never good enough. I tried and tried, but did not try hard enough. So if I do get judged for what I did not do on this Earth, I should not be sorry because I had a chance, but wasted it on what I should have, would have, and could have done.

It hurts when you wake up everyday and do the same old garb and have no meaning. Life was supposed to have meaning, but fear got in my way. Fear that you won't be here forever and that you already wasted the good part of your life. They say life is always good, but that's a lie. It is only good if you think that and that is why people don't like me because I see the glass empty and don't see it's potential. People are people and yet they don't understand me. They say I'm sad, but you don't know me. Maybe I look sad or even mad, but do you really know who I am? I may sound sick because of this rant, but I'm not sick. I'm just a person who had potential and seems to be wasting it every day. The truth does hurt because it's sad to realize that you have become what you do not want to be. People wonder why I get down, it's because they bring me down. They don't raise me up and forget about me. I should not care because I should forget my problems and help others. It's hard to, especially when you don't move forward. There is still that thing inside me that still has hope. My veins still pump with blood and I have a pulse. I still have the drive (even though it's dying at times) to show people up and become what I am supposed to be. I should not compete with others, but my whole life people never believed in me. SO I feel I have something to prove. You may sit here and laugh, but don't laugh because I don't forget and I remember the things people say and I do have something to prove. It does sound bad and it's bad to be like this, but that is who I am. Thank you to everybody who never believed in me. I may be a loser at this current time and one day I might make it, but in the end it does not really matter about garb like that. All that matters is who I helped bring back to the fold. Yet I never do and that is sad because that is truly the meaning of life.