Sometimes I feel like the Miami Heat. I have the potential to be the best or be successful in my life, yet I end up choking in the end and get stuck rut that ends with the same results. It hurts when you fall backwards and keep going down. I guess that is the purpose of life because sometimes shiz happens. It hurts more when you see people you know move forward. You see them, but it's like they can't see you because they forget about you. It's like being dead. You are the exact same person, yet everyone else moves around you and they seem to progress, but you can't because you are dead. It even hurts more when you see a girl you really care about move on without you. I guess that is my fault because I never do a thing. I just sit there and hope it will all come together, but it never does. It has happened to me many times with girls. I have concluded that maybe people just don't like me. I start to wonder if they do. I wonder if I'll ever make a comeback. People might wonder what I mean when I say comeback. I think I can do better than where I am at today. I have done a lot of things in life, like graduate from college, but I feel that I can do more than what I am currently doing . So when you don't do a thing, it depresses you and when you get in a depressed mood, you can't move forward and only thoughts of never being good enough get in the way. I do think I am never good enough because I have done so many things to make me good enough, but I'm still not good enough in my mind. That is why I don't smile and that is why I don't talk. What do I have to offer this world? Those thoughts get to me and so does not doing anything with humans. People think you can make it alone, but that's a lie. I can't make it and it's no fun. I wonder if it will ever get better, but it does not and so I have to come to the conclusion that it's me or just my stupid thoughts.

I realize it's my stupid thoughts because life was meant to be lived. Shiz does happen, but it's okay because it's part of life. When we are down, we should focus on others because that is why we are really here. I tend to forget that, but it comes back to me when I do things for my church. I see people in my church that need help and try, but trying is not good enough. I want them to feel the happiness that they want and if I never become happy it's okay because I helped them come back. When it never works out with work or even school it's okay because you can always comeback. Even when it comes to girls, you can always come back. I realized you can't be mad when or if the girl of your dreams dumps you. I have learned if you truly care about that person, you should be happy if they move forward even if is without you. I have learned we have to let things go and that it really does not matter what we achieved on earth. Some people say it does and it matters if you did not live life to the fullest. That stuff is fake because when it comes to the end of all things, all that matters is what we did for others. Once that happens, that is when you might move forward, but if you don't I guess you still have to have the hope that one day it will be better.