Some people are miserable. Like everyday they wake up and chose to be bitter and angry and they never act like they are part of the problem. If I lived in a different world I would not be where I am. I don't want to be where I live or where I work. Work sucks, I know. she left me roses by the stairs. Nobody left me roses, but Blink 182 was a good band, but their new music sucks.
Work does suck especially when they treat you like a child. It is humiliating. It is like Groundhog Day. The same thing. Same pattern same routine. Bull crap pay for all the work they want you to do. Why should I make the company money, when the only people who get a bonus is my manager? It makes me mad. I always worked hard, but not smart. That is why I am behind in life all because of anxiety. I work at a job I hate, but it is hard to move on because of anxiety. It is not easy. Never was. You never tell people unless you are those cringe influencers who tell the whole world their problems. If you make money from doing that, then good for you. If not, then I do not see the point.
Anxiety can stunt you from being what you want to be or where you want to be. That is what this post is about I don't want to be where I want to be. I want to make money and live alone. I do not want to be around the people that are toxic, but then you realize they are your family. Some people get worse with age. They chose to be that way. Like they only say negative things about people. It is not like this person is young, they are old and they still act like a child. Like they say all of their neighbors are idiots and weirdos, yet they can never look in the mirror. Then they said you probably think they're a b****. Yes, you are. You are a jerk and how you treat people is embarrassing. I know I can be a baby, but I am not your age. I have failed for someone my age and realize I probably could become like that person if I don't change my ways. Same pattern same routines. I don't want to be like you. You are not a bad person, just bitter and controlling.
The other day they were getting mad at their dog because the dog moves the blankets every time it takes a nap. That is what sets me off. Then I see them always arguing with this one person and they act like they are not part of the problem. You are. Then one day they were saying something about their neighbor and it set me off. Like I don't give a damn what people do, but the were saying that this one guy on their street probably beats their wife. I am just like you can not say things like that and they took offense and started arguing with me. I said you don' t know if it is true. Then they went all in defensive mode because that is what they always do when they are trying to act like they are in control.
Maybe you are losing your memory, but the a hole in me does not feel bad because I know you will just become more rude. Like I try to be patient, but the older you get, the more I don't want to be around you. You are a jerk to other people and bitter and you don't realize that you cause problems. You will always say it is because of your upbringing and that your Father was an alcoholic. Yet, you can not blame your family for how you act and treat people do this day.
Hold onto your grudges and be miserable until you die. I guess you chose to be that way. I am on that path too, but I am more aware of it. I am not stupid. No one wants to be around negative people.
I don't want to work for stupid companies anymore, I have done that for years. Some days living in a van and being alone seems like the dream, even I have to pee in a bottle and crap in a bucket. I don't want to be like people in my family, but I probably will end up just like them. Most people fail because they do not believe in themselves and that is true. Most people are an untold story..
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