It hurts when you are on the outside and wanting to get in. What you see inside is something you always wanted, yet you will never have. I don't believe in happy endings and never will. Maybe for some, but to me there is no happy ending. Just that sad realization that you wasted your time and wonder why you could have done. That is why I can't look inside anymore. I just see everyone else moving and having a good time. Yet I'm alone on the outside wondering if I'll ever come in. usually I don't. I let opportunities pass me by and one day I'll be there wondering what the hell happened. Life is what we make it, but I still don't believe in people. I never do. They fail me or I fail them. Some try to let me in, but I just put them out. I watch everyone else get there happy ending, yet I never have mine. I say it's going to come together, yet it never does. I sit here and wait and wonder what I wait for. I have seen people I care for pass on and girls I really cared for move on. They moved on alright, but it was without me. I realize it's my fault and I never did a thing. Just hoped for the next move, yet I realized in life you can't stop and stare because you really will go nowhere.

It truly never gets better. People say it does, but I can't be young forever, so how can it get better? It really does hurt when you look in the window and see your friends. Yet you are out there in the cold just sitting and waiting to get in. I guess you can't put your focus on people because they are people and people are not perfect. There is one person that is always willing to let you in. No matter how bad we screw up in this life. He is just sitting there waiting to let you in and to embrace you and to show you who you really are. Yet at times we never let him in. When we do let him in, that is when we realized the failures and shortcoming of life are not so bad because it's just a minor thing in the grand scheme of things. I realize I can't be down and no matter how crappy life can get or we think it is, we can always make a difference because there are people out there on the outside just like us. All we need to do is open our eyes and look...........

It hurts when you can't even get to the first round. It even hurts worse when you sail your own ship and get stuck in a rut. It even hurts more when a girl goes for some goob. Or on second thought you start to wonder if you're the the goob. When you realize that, that is when you start to go backwards in life. Life is supposed to be about moving forward, but moving forward makes us get closer to the end. Our bodies fail us, just like our hearts. If there is a point to it all, then why do we fail and never come back. So when you fail and people say the truth, it hurts like an arrow to the knee. Why do we get offended when people tell us the truth? Maybe because we don't want people to see that we are weak and that in reality we are all talk and don't know what the hell we are doing. It's sad, kind of like this life. It may get better, but usually never does. It's just the same stuff, but a different way and if you don't do stuff for anybody, then you most likely will fail in the next life. The next life will be great, but to get there you have to be perfect here on earth. Well, According to some religions you do. I thought you could make it, but realized it's impossible at times. You have to be good enough, yet we never are. We settle and focus on ourselves and even if you are good, it's never good enough. I tried and tried, but did not try hard enough. So if I do get judged for what I did not do on this Earth, I should not be sorry because I had a chance, but wasted it on what I should have, would have, and could have done.

It hurts when you wake up everyday and do the same old garb and have no meaning. Life was supposed to have meaning, but fear got in my way. Fear that you won't be here forever and that you already wasted the good part of your life. They say life is always good, but that's a lie. It is only good if you think that and that is why people don't like me because I see the glass empty and don't see it's potential. People are people and yet they don't understand me. They say I'm sad, but you don't know me. Maybe I look sad or even mad, but do you really know who I am? I may sound sick because of this rant, but I'm not sick. I'm just a person who had potential and seems to be wasting it every day. The truth does hurt because it's sad to realize that you have become what you do not want to be. People wonder why I get down, it's because they bring me down. They don't raise me up and forget about me. I should not care because I should forget my problems and help others. It's hard to, especially when you don't move forward. There is still that thing inside me that still has hope. My veins still pump with blood and I have a pulse. I still have the drive (even though it's dying at times) to show people up and become what I am supposed to be. I should not compete with others, but my whole life people never believed in me. SO I feel I have something to prove. You may sit here and laugh, but don't laugh because I don't forget and I remember the things people say and I do have something to prove. It does sound bad and it's bad to be like this, but that is who I am. Thank you to everybody who never believed in me. I may be a loser at this current time and one day I might make it, but in the end it does not really matter about garb like that. All that matters is who I helped bring back to the fold. Yet I never do and that is sad because that is truly the meaning of life.