running

I went for a long run last night and had many thoughts that raced through my mind. Everytime I run I am always thinking. The first thing I realized is that nobody really cares and that there is no such thing as a true friend. You may wonder why I would have thoughts like this, but when I run I think of my life and what I have done. I realized I don't have friends and it is my fault, but there comes a time in you life when you need friends. I have friends, but they are not close to where I live and they moved on to other places, so they could improve their lives. That is one reason I run because I want attention and I feel that nobody notices me. If they do, they are afraid to say something. I am too, but I am more of the quiet type and don't like to invite myself to activites I was not invited to. I don't feel like I belong to anything, I'm more like an outsider who has wasted his life trying to please other people. That is another thing that goes through my mind when I run. I think about what I have done in life and realized my whole life I have done things just so I could get approval. I have also done the right things thinking it would change my life. It hasn't, I am still the same and think the same. I feel that everybody has something against me and that they don't really want to be my friend. That is why I isolate myself because I feel like I don't belong. You may think that is sad, but it is true and I choose the way I want to react. It is hard to change and that is what I realize when I run. It is hard to move forward when there is nobody or nothing there for you. You think it will change, but it never does and you go back to your old habits and ways because you think you are never good enough. People might read this and think it is sad, but don't feel bad for me because you don't, if you cared you would have tried to help me, but I realized most people don't care. They just tell you to move on and they are not there for you when you need them the most.

That is the same for me as well. I am never there for people even though I am more aware of the person's problems and frustrations. I observe and I have realized that most people are scared to share their real feelings or how they feel about certain things. They try to keep in, but I have realized keeping all of your problems to yourself gets you nowhere. I have realized even the small things can change a person's life. I realized that the other day when I was driving with some girls in a car to a ward activity. They where talking about life and one girl was talking about how she does not think she will get married anytime soon. She even said her younger sister might get married before her. I had a sense that this bothered her because she was talking about it. I have realized when people talk about certain things, that is what the really want. The quiet me just sat there and said nothing.

I have realized I should have told her don't worry and told her that she will get married in her own time. She is a very cute girl and has accomplished a lot in her life and I think I should have said that, but I didn't because I don't want to come across creepy. I should have because when people never hear the real things you see in them, then they will never change or believe that they can become better. I believe that this girl in my ward should realize that she is greater than she think she is and that she should not settle because she has potential. I am not saying I know exactly what this girl thinks of herself, but I have realized we need to be there for people and say what we see in them.

That is what I realized at the end of my run is that we need to be there for people and there will be times when we are alone. Or we may feel that we are alone, but we just need to keep moving, even if it hurts. It may take years to become who we are, but in the mean time we need to focus on others. When we get down we should not think about what we don't have or do. We should realize what we can do and who we can help because anybody can help anybody. I really believe that and I think the best way to help people is to show them how you care. If you do these things your life might change or be the same. If you really want to change you have to believe in you and not worry about the things that can happen. All we need to worry about is what we can do with the time that is give to us.