change

I have realized in life we are the only ones who can change if we want to, no one else can change the way we are. I am negative sometimes and I'm sorry because I have realized there are people that have it worse then me. Life may suck and I may not be to where I want to be, but it will get better. I know we all have difficulties in life and sometimes it's hard to even try, but being negative and mad does not get you anywhere. I also learned that if you really want to change something you have to have the power to do it yourself because no one really is going to help you. I want change and I will and I know that things will work out in the end. I also realized that helping people out may suck sometimes, but hopefully someone will help me out and everything that I want will fall into place.

What do I want? I want a better job, better car, and a girl. My friend said the other day that those things won't make me happier, but that is not true because he does not know me. He said I need to do things with him and I don't really want to. I'm sorry, but I want to meet girls and hook up with a girl that I'm into. I don't think there is anything else to life that is more important then finding a girl you actually want to be with. My friend said I need to do things that I've never done before like go gambling or do other crazy things.

No, I am not going to do that because it's not worth it and it is not really fun. I can't do things like that because it's bad and I've got to become better than the world and leave it in a better place. I don't care about that kind of stuff anyways. I know what would make me happier and that is meeting girls that I like and eventually getting into a relationship with one of those girls I like.

Why do I think it would make me happier? Because being with a girl is great and sharing your thoughts and talking with someone you actually care for would also be great because what else is there to life. I've not traveled the world or become rich, but it's not important. It's important that I meet a girl and get married. I know that after that, everything will fall into place as long as I try and never stop working.

The world says it's more important to have fun and do what you want, but to me that seems stupid because why would I just do pointless garbage. I want more and I think there is more to life than just doing what you want to do.

I also know you should help others because there are people out in this world that need help. I think that sometimes I am selfish and I never do anything to help other people and I need to help people in my own way. I know that if I help people it will also help me as well. I've learned that by attending church. In my church people have judged me for not doing a mission and I've learned that they can judge me all they want, but I'm not a bad person and just because you went on a mission does not mean you're saved. You still got to work hard and also endure to the end. So I am not worried anymore on what those people think about me. It has been hard for me to overcome those things, but if someone is going to judge me, than I can't worry about it because they don't know me and I know that I am good person and I still can help people just as well as anybody else in the church.

I've also learned that never sell yourself short and don't listen to what other people say. I want to be a graphic designer and some people, like my cousin, try to tell me what to do and that I'm doing it the wrong way because my major is not graphic design. I have a minor in art technology and I have talent and I do know someone will take a chance on me. I know that as long as I keep practicing I'll become what I want to become. The people who work hard are the one's who become what they want to be. You have to have talent, but you have to work hard as well . I know I have talent and I just got to believe in myself that I'm good.

Then there are those other people who say things to bring you down. Don't listen to those people because they are losers who quit trying and gave up on their own dreams. There is this one person at my work and all they do is say why you shouldn't do certain things and that it's not worth it. I should just to this person to screw off and get a life because they quit in their own life and so they are not happy, so they have to bring other people down to make them feel better. I've done that as well and I've learned that's not the way to be. The way to be is to help others and encourage them so they can reach their full potential.

Life is not bad, but it can always be better, but we still have to make the most out of it with our current situations. If we do we can progress and become better.

Forward

I was talking to a friend of mine and they said I should be happy because I have a job and it's not so bad. I agree, but I've have done that job for the past four years and I don't think it's wrong to want to have a better paying job. He said even if I get more money I still wouldn't be happy. I don't know, but I do need to know what it's like to move forward. Doing the same thing over and over is nothing to look forward to. It's is important to move forward in life. I don't think I really have. I am almost done with school, but I have been in school forever so it seems like that won't change either. I know I'll finish and I do want to move forward in life. I don't want the same thing, I want more because I know I am worth more than what I get. I am not trying to be cocky or greedy. I just think as society we can all want more and believe that we can.

I want to know what it's like to live. I am alive, but I want to know what it's like to grow up. One day I would like to get married and do my own thing because to me that is moving forward and that is what life is all about. I don't want to be single forever, it's not worth it. Nobody wants to be alone and if they say it's fun, that's not true. Being alone is where you learn who you really are, but after awhile it messes you up. So I hope to get married and have my own family because that is one of the purposes of life . So that is why I have to move forward, I don't want to be the same forever. So I have to get better jobs and I can't sell myself short because that is wrong and I don't feel bad for wanting more because I know I am capable of doing great things

I have also learned if we take small little steps forward eventually we will get to better places and better opportunities. Sometimes it's hard, but we have to keep trying and once we get to a better place, we still have to keep moving. I always think of that song by Daft Punk when I think about moving forward and one of the lyrics says:Work It Harder! Make It Better!Do It Faster!, Makes Us stronger!More Than Ever Hour After Our Work Is Never Over!

Our work is never over and if we think it is then we might fail because I think we always have to work and keep trying and that is part of progressing. I have learned that through watching people in my church. The people who are always working and never stopping seem to be the one's who have it all together and to me it seems that they are blessed because they don't quit. I'm pretty sure they have hard times, but I always see them working and I think that's cool because sometimes we get to a point where we don't want to try. So I think that working hard is important and for me it gives me hope. I know sometimes it may be pointless to me, but I am also helping other people in the process and that is more important because we need to help others as well.

Can't recover

I train so hard and yet it has got me nowhere. I hurt and I don't even know if it is worth it. I run and run and can't stop. I want to, but I can't because what else do I have besides running? Nothing. Just work and school and that is nothing to look forward to, the only thing to look forward to in that is doing my art projects for my graphic design classes. School is not fun I am sick of being the quiet person. People don't believe me that I am shy, but I am and I never say anything in school, I just feel like I have nothing in common with my classmates. They have fun and I'll I do is workout, run, work, and do school stuff. They party go on trips and don't stress about stupid things. I stress and that is not fun, it makes life less enjoyable.

Life is precious. BULL! It's only good if you make it. I sure don't know. Going to college does not mean a thing. What am I going to do after? I don't know and I don't care because there is no such thing as happiness it is all fake like you people. I am an outsider looking on the inside. All I wanted was to have friends and know what it like to move forward. All I have done is plateaued to nowhere. I can't lie and give all the fake hope crap when nothing changes. I hate those kind of people because they are fake. I am hurt, but who the hell cares? I am a punk because I only care about me and that is why I am a jerk.

Why am I so hard on myself? When you don't do things like date, socialize, and have fun you start to think negative and wonder why certain things happen. You lose confidence in yourself and that is what happened to me. I lost all of my confidence. I have confidence in myself. Like I know I can do a lot of things better than most people, but in social aspects I have none because I have been isolated for so long. It's not my fault, I am quiet and it is hard for me to know when girls I actually like are into me or people I hang out with actually like me. Sometimes I wonder. I was talking to this girl on facebook and I don't know if she is into me or she feels bad for me or she is just trying to be my friend. I have no clue. I would take her out on a date, but I don't want to ask her if she is seeing anybody because I don't want to come across as a creepy. She is a cool girl anyways.

But, I don't know if I'll ever date anytime soon or even become more social. I lost hope and I can't just invite myself to hang out with other groups of people. I only want one thing anyways and that is to meet a girl and ditch everybody else. What else is there? I don't care about my old school friends because they don't give a crap about me. They only want me if they need something. I can't worry about that. So that is why I hope I meet a girl, but don't think that will happen either because I am all talk when it comes to dating and socializing. I can only back up one thing and that is I will always run, workout, and be there when I say I'll be there.

That has gotten me nowhere as well, I am injured and I can't quit. I am not trying to be funny. What else is there to do, when you don't do anything. It's important to me anyways to be in shape. I also don't think I'll recover from my injuries. I am addicted and I don't want to stop because running gives me that feeling that I am good and that I can beat anyone I see while I am running. People aslo get to see me and that is also why I love running so much.

I am discouraged because I work hard, but nothing seems to fall into place. It seems more like everything is coming all at once and I can't control it anymore. I lost all my concentration because I have so many things to focus on. Oh well I still have to move forward.

I give you this thimble and I call it a kiss.

I originally wrote a rant on how I hate my old school friends and then I realized what's the point in doing that. It's not like it gets me somewhere for writing that. Friends do let friends down sometimes and that is okay because no one is perfect. The same things goes with life sometimes it's great, while other times it just plain sucks. It's never easy and it's never easy doing the right thing. The world would want people to do what makes you feel good and they say it's okay sometimes to not do the right things.

Many times I have wanted to do the wrong thing, but my hope keeps me from doing the wrong thing. So does my belief in God and my church that I am a member of. It has never been easy. Sometimes doing the right thing gets us nowhere and a lonely night of doing nothing. I have done that for awhile now and I still wonder if it will ever get better. I am alone and isolated and I don't know why. I am a funny person, but I am not invited to anything ever. My real friends don't invite me anymore and it's hurts. I seem to not be able to find girls I actually want to date, that hurts as well because everyone needs to feel what it's like to love and even go on a date. That is partly my fault anyways because I just need to call a girl out. It may seem dark right now, but eventually it will all come to an end.

That is why I don't quit. I meet a lot of people who settle and I don't want to be like that. I don't want to work a crappy job. I want to do good things so I can make money and I want to help people because I observe people that I know need help. There are people I work with I want to help and there are girls that I actually really liked and wanted to help them . There is this one girl she always makes comments about herself that she should actually be on a date first or other things that bring her down. I just wish I told her that she is cute and that any guy would be dumb not to ask her out. I did not, but I am shy, but I guess that makes me dumb. I wished I did say something, but I was afraid to say something. I think we need to compliment people because everyone gets down and they do feel better after someone says things that raise them up.

I have noticed saying nice things to people really can make a difference. I remember this one time I told this person how great there where to me and they were shocked that I said something because I usually joke more than actually say how I truly feel. I told them and I think it made them feel better. I think we should look in the good people do, not the bad. I learned that from somebody else and I think it is a good way to think.

I do try to look in the good in people and then I realize it makes me feel better because I do get frustrated with some people sometimes, but when I do it gets me nowhere and it makes me worse because I am looking at the bad and not the good.

Maybe I should look in the good in life as well, even though it is not great sometimes. It is hard too, but I know things can get better. I just have to keep moving forward even though it is hard. I won't quit because I have come so far in my life not to quit. I hope it all works out and I hope that I can know what it's like to progress and accomplish the things I am supposed to accomplish.

You think you know me because you read and observe me.

I have nothing, but I am doing nothing. I already ran, worked out, and worked on school stuff. What a fun night. NOT! Well, running is fun, the competition part is. I don't really have any deep stuff to rant or talk about. But I do think college football is not that great. It's the same thing every year and I wonder why people in the state of Utah actually think BYU and Utah are so great. I think they are overrated and I don't really care if they go undefeated because they will never get to go to a national championship game. Even if the Y or the U went undefeated the BCS would find a way to keep them out of the national championship game. But, I am not a huge college football fan anyways. I like the NFL because they have playoffs.

But the NFL is the same every year as well and so I wonder why we get so excited. I mean why should I care if the Patriots win or some other teams wins. It's not like I get anything for seeing them win. I wonder why I get into the game so much. However, I rather play sports then watch sports on TV. It is more fun and rewarding to play sports, especially when you destroy your opponent. I like competing and I like that people think I am not good sometimes. It gives me more motivation to beat them on the court or when I am running. But, watching sports on TV is such a waste sometimes. I mean I could be doing better things like going on a date. ha ha ha

I don't get why guys watch sports together. I mean it is not that fun. I have gone to things like that and they are not that great. They act like it is so great to get away from their girlfriends or spouse for awhile. If I was in a serious relationship I rather be with my girl. I know that may sound fake, but I mean that.

The other day this person said to me. Once you get married you won't always want to spend all of your time with your wife and you need to get away sometimes. I agree, but I really don't believe him that much because if you got married to the person you really love wouldn't you want to spend every moment with them. I know you need your own space sometimes, but if you were in a relationship? Wouldn't you want to spend time with that person. I would, but that is just me.

I am a romantic and that sounds so lame, but I do believe in surprises and other things to make that person you love happy. I rather do things with them then watch some game on TV because I have realized games are on all the time and I could be using the precious time with the person I like or I love. I don't love anyone now, but maybe one day I will.

I have watched a lot of sports and sometimes the games have been great and other times they have been horrible. I wonder why I always go back to watching sports. They are the same thing every year, but I still get excited and I just don't why I do. I guess it is better than watching all those crap shows that are on TV. No offense, but some of the new shows are horrible. So that is one reason why I enjoy watching sports.

Peace out!

??

I was on facebook earlier and I read this girl's status update "Cannot stress enough how horrible slander is. What is wrong with people who feel the need to self-righteously "tattle" on others? why do people judge, slander, gossip, and backbite? I cannot fix everything people dish out. I am in the middle... of a rock and a hard place. How large a fire a small tale can light! I can't protect people forever!!" It made me think and realize everyone says things about other people. Sometimes they do it because it makes them get out their frustrations or they think a person is a certain way. I have and I don't feel bad because sometimes people make me mad or my friends and family have offended me. But that does not mean they are bad people, it just means we all have things we need to work on because nobody is perfect.

People have said things about me and judged me. It's not true because they don't really know me. Most of the time people judge because that is how we are. Even if you say you don't judge others, you do. Everyone does. We come up with stereotypes and other mean thoughts by looking. Sometimes we have to, but I know that once we actually get to know someone and where they are coming from we can see who they really are. I think the best way to do that is by helping people. I am not saying we have to go and hang out or wash their car. It's by doing small things that can help someone.

That is how we can learn about people is by helping them. Sometimes we feel like we should not help people and it's their own fault. It may be their fault for certain things, but if we don't encourage others or try to help them in a small way, they they might never reach their full potential. However,I know that it depends on the person themselves if they really want to change.

I also believe that anybody can change. I was in church yesterday and heard a lesson and they said that most people have a hard time changing and that most of the times they won't change for a girl. The lesson was on marriage that is why I am talking about girls, but anyways it made me angry because I think people can change. I know it could take years for some and maybe the next life, but I am not going to give up hope on people just because of the way they are.

I've changed, but it's not like I am messed up or anything, but I have changed. So I believe that anyone can change. It's not easy, but when people say you can't that is what motivates me to prove them wrong. It's not easy to change. I have done the right things and wondered if it is worth it, because sometimes you don't have fun and you don't really meet the people you really want to meet. That is life because if we never had trials from our problems, then we will never know who we really are.