People are reading and it's creepy

People are reading my blog and I don't like it because now I feel like I have to watch what I write. This one kid I know thinks I hate people in my own church. I don't hate my own members, I just get sick of it sometimes. I get sick of the cliques. I am not a part of any, because I am more anti-social, I prefer to do things alone. Unless there is someone I really like then I'll try to be more soical, but recently I have not found any girls that I want to get to know better. There are a few, but I don't know if they are into me. I am not going to be creepy about it and stalk them. I just need to ask them out if I really like them.

Anyways, I started blogging for my class and I liked writing for my blog because no one knew why I did it or even why I wrote it. I felt it as more of an outlet to relieve stress. It feels great when I write how I really feel and I am sorry that I might offend people. This is who I am, I am not a bad person, but I do have chips on my shoulders that I carry and that is why I am so hardcore when it comes to competition and other things in this life. I justwant to show people that I am good and I don't think that's a bad thing to do.

It is my fault for letting people see my blog. I have the link on facebook. I just wanted to see if people would actually check it out and I guess some have. It's kind of creepy, but oh well I can't worry what everyone thinks about me. If I do that, then I'll destroy myself. I have been frustrated over the past few weeks, but it's my fault anyways. If I really wanted to change something then I would do it myself. No one can change anybody, you have to be the one that wants to change. I have learned that in my own life. I have changed for the better and wonder if it's worth it. So far, I would say no, but I know it will get better in the end.

Pain

I am in pain and I thought I was in some serious pain the other day. This is worse and it's bad. My body hurts when I am sitting down. My hip flexor hurts like hell and so does my ankle. I don't know if I ever will recover. It's getting to the point where I can't handle it. I ran today, but I was not 100%. This is the price I pay for wanting to win at running. Is it worth it? I guess only time will tell.

Just like I learned with anything in life, is it worth it?

Why we do what we do

I got to hear one of my family members rant on why they think they are better than other people and that people who work certain jobs are losers. It made me mad because nobody is a loser no matter what they do. We can't judge someone because of what they do or where they work. They can always change and I believe that. Then this family member of mine also ranted on why they are better because they have a college degree. I understand where they are coming from, but then I thought why do we go to college? The answer is simple, we go to get more money but, we also go because we want to help people in our own unique way.

That is why I go to school. I also go to grow and learn, but I do want to help people through my talents. I want to be an graphic designer, web designer, or interior designer because I want people to get that same joy when they see a picture or something that I designed. Art has inspired me and I know if I could inspire one person, then it's worth it. Even if I don't do anything in art, I still have to help people no matter how crappy life can get. There are people out there who need help. People have helped me and I know that there are similar people in the world like me and I know I can help them because of my experiences.

I know sometimes things don't work out always. We fall short of our goals and we fall short of where we think we should be in this life. I do know that if were patient it will all work out. Success does not happen overnight. For me nothing really has happened, but I won't quit because I believe that it will all work out and everything that I am supposed to do, I will do in this life. I know there will be more struggles and heartbreaks throughout this life. I know the most important thing is to work hard in everything that you do. That is what I really believe in. I believe in hard work no matter how stupid the task may be or a job is. I know that hard work is a key to success. I also think you can never think you are better than something, people, or jobs. That is when pride comes and that is when you fall. I have been prideful and I realized it does not help me or other people.

We are not better than anybody because we all have faults and I think that is what we have to realize. We may excel at different things, but those are our talents and that we should use those talents to help people. I have come to a realization that in the end it doesn't really matter what kind of car you drove, what job you had, or how big your house was. It all comes down to if we helped people. Did we comfort those who need comfort? Or did we visit those who are alone? Or did we say hi to those people you don't know? There are many more things that we can do to help one another. If we helped everyone, the world would be different than it is today.

I do want to help people in my own way. It's hard sometimes and I know I need to work on it more. I know if I do help others, then my life can and will move forward and that I'll never have to look back at the past. I do care for people, but it's hard to sometimes in this competitive world because it seems like we are all out to be better than each other.

It seems weird to me that I writing about this because I don't really like showing people how I really think. But this is how I think and I do value hard work out of anything in this life. Why do I? because in my life it's gives me hope. It gives me the hope that everything will and can be everything we want it to be. If we also help others we will be happier than we were before. Last thing I want to say is never give up not matter how bad life sucks. There is light at the end of the tunnel as long as we keep moving one step forward.

injured

I am really hurt and I don't know why. Actually I do know why I hurt, because I never rest. I am in some pain that I have never been in before. My hip flexor does nag me, but now it is even worse. I can still run fast but when I rest it, it hurts bad. I think my career as a raller is over. Not it's not, but I know if I was a one hundred percent I could run faster and my times would be better. I don't know if I'll ever heal because I can't quit. I like the feeling you get when you run and the power I feel when I am running. It is a drug and I don't know if I'll ever stop.

Alone

People think that if you go to a soical event you will feel welcomed. I don't when I go to my ward's activities.I never feel like I am apart of that group. I feel like an outsider, even though I joke and talk to some cute girls, I still feel like I don't belong. No matter what I do I never feel good enough and I feel like I have to prove myself to other people because I feel that people lable me sometimes for certain things I did not do in the LDS church. I never went on an LDS mission and I got some crap for it, but that was one reason why I went into isolation for awhile. I was sick of people giving me crap for not going. I am not a bad LDS person for not going, but I still feel like I am different, no matter what I do. That is why I always try my hardest in everything I do because I want to prove those people wrong. I wan't them to know that I am not a bad person and that I can make it just as much as any LDS person that went on a mission. These may be negative thoughts but this is how I feel and how I act. No matter what I do, it can be better. I am a perfectionist and it's bad sometimes, but I guess that is something I can work on.

These thoughts have made me feel alone sometimes because those people don't know what I went through and everytime I open up to other people I hate talking about myself, because I always think they are judging me. That is why I don't ask out girls sometimes. There are some girls that I really do want to date, but I am always wondering what they are thinking about me. I know I am a attractive young man and I am not trying to be cocky. However, my thoughts get in the way from letting me having good realationships with girls I like. There are girls I met in my ward tonight that I really like, but I feel that they don't like me. They could, but I always sell myself short because I wonder why a girl would like me and why would they want to get to know me. I am attractive, but I am not something yet. These thoughts are what have prevented me from progressing in this life. It's not good, but I always think the worse. I always wonder why should I get what I want, when there is so many people in this world that don't get what they want.

I still believe that I'll get better and I'll never quit. I wanted to quit a lot of times in my life. I wonder why I even try to do the right thing sometimes. Sometimes nothing good comes out of doing the right thing. Sometimes I have been alone for standing up for the right thing and wonder is it even worth it. Then you see people that do what they want in this life and they seem pretty happy. I guess that ist the purpose of this life is to be tested and to grow from one's experiences. When nothing happens and you just do the exact same thing for the past four years, that is when you start to lose hope.

Life has gotten better, but I still don't feel like I have reached my true potential. It's frustrating and I am sick of doing the same old crap over and over again. I know if I move and keep moving it will work out. I hope it does because I need to move forward in this life and I will and I know if I try my best life can turn out the way it was meant to be. Progessing in this life is my ultimate dream because I would like to know what it is like to be married or even have a career. I know people may think these are lame, but these are my happy thoughts and everytime I think about those things, I have hope and I know that I can't give up. I won't quit, even if I do make it in my own terms, I still wont quit. I know that when I stop, that is when I can fall back down again. My plan is to never quit and always keep moving forward and trying my best in everything I do.

Hurt

I hurt so bad right now, and yet I am still going running. I think I am sick, because I never can quit. I wan't to but I can't. I am in pain and my hip flexor is jacked like no other. I have to keep on running until I win a race. This is just like life, we can never quit no matter how hard it is. Just keep on moving. I often compare life to running. You just have to take one small step forward and never look back. It's hard, but if you quit, then you will never know your true potential. I wanted to quit a lot of times in life. Things have not played out the way I wanted them to be, but I know that if I never try , I'll be in the same rut forever. I do belive that everything will work out in this life. I just have to believe in myself and not worry. My greatest fear is failing in life because I want to be the best at what I do. If I do have a family of my own, I don't ever want to fail them because I feel like I can't and it's my responsibility to take care of them. That is why I try my best at my job and school now because I value hard work and people may say why should I try if I get paid crap. The reason I do is because it builds character and that is who I really am. I believe you should always try and eventually good things will come around your way. This is what I would want to say whoever reads this, don't ever quit and never give up your dreams. Even when everything falls apart don't ever quit because, if you quit you won't be happy. I know that for a fact, I know that if endure and never give up we will be happier and everything that we desire can come true. This is how I really think and the jokes and smart remarks are just are part of me that wants attention. I do want people to know that I am a positive person, even though people might see me as negative sometimes. I do dream and I'll never give up my dreams because that is what motivates me to never quit.

Mad

I just posted something, but I am mad and I want to rant. I know no one reads my blog so I am going to say what I want to say. I hate fake people. They get on my nerves, they are nice to some people and then they are a jerk to you. I know I've been a jerk, but I sure won't ignore someone if they asked me a question or sent me something on the internet. That's another thing I want to speak about, the internet. I hate those people who know you and ignore you on like social networking sites like facebook and twitter. I added this one girl in my old neighborhood as a friend on facebook and I got ignored. I am not going to cry about it, I am just mad in the fact that I got ignored. I was just trying to be a friendly person, I never liked this girl in a romantic way. I just wanted to see what has happened to her is the past few years. Is there anything wrong with that.?If I ever see this person if public I make sure I'll ignore them. I know that is immature, but it does hurt when you get ignored even when it's on facebook. I also got deleted by other people on facebook, they think I won't know, but it's not that hard to figure out if you are aware of what's going on. I'll remember that too, because it hurts as well. I'm cool and a funny kid and I don't know why someone would delete me. I guess I should just move on because it's not goood to fester anger over stupid litttle things. It still makes me mad, oh well I just need to forget. That is what I have learned with anything in life. People don't do things to hurt you, they just don't pay attention to other people's feelings. I know I have hurt people's feelings too and I'm sorry to those of you who I hurt. I think that is a lesson we all have to learn in this life. We all have to learn how to forgive people, even if it's the hardest thing to do. If we don't we are no better than the person who offended us or even hurt us. I think if we can truly forgive someone that hurt us, we will feel better about ourselves and I think we will be better off. In my own life forgiving and apologizing to people is hard for me to do. Sometimes I wan't revenge and I know that is not a good thing because I am not perfect either. I hope one day I'll become better at forgiving people and forgetting things that people have done to me.

College does not prove anything unless you are trying have a real career.

I'm sorry, but I am a jerk in the fact that I think my major is a bunch of crap. The only thing it does for me is give me better opportunities for stupid jobs like management. My major is Park, Recration, and Tourism, emphasis in sports management. I hate it more than anything in the world. I sit in class and wonder if these classes are going to help me get a better job. It can, but I have no desire to work in the sport industry. Only goobers who can't play sports want to work for sport industry. I sure don't, and that is why I am still debating to change my major to graphic design. If I do I'll be in school four more years, or I can finish my PRT degree in the spring. I also have a minor in arts technology, so that can help me get my foot in the door for graphic design. Overall I think college is overrated and all those people who say you can't make it life without a college degree are annoying. I think you can because if you have a skill at something or just super high confidence, people can move up in anything they want. I think college is only worth it if you are going to be a doctor, lawyer, or some other big time career. I think the college system is messed up. I don't think they prepare us students for the working world. Writing papers and taking tests are a good thing to do, but how will that help someone in a job where they have to lead, work with clients, and selling a product. Yeah I know I am being a jerk, but I had to sit in a four hour class today and that is not fun. When you sit in a class that long, that is when you start to wonder if what you are doing is worth it. I hope finishing college is worth it, because it's not easy to go to school. For me it's been a growing experinece, I had to do many things that I did not want to do. What I learned from doing those things, is that I can do anything I want to, but I just have to believe in myself. That goes for anything in life because if you want to be something you can, you just have to have confidence and faith that you will become what you want to be.

Fireworks

What is so great about fireworks? It's the exact same thing year after year and it's not really that great. I rather go to bed and recover from my injuries then watch fireworks. Is that wrong? I don't think so, I think I need to start my own tradition and start my own fireworks. How will I do that? I'll just kiss a girl and that is way better than watching fireworks. But don't I have to ask out girls in order to that? Yes, and I will, but I am not going to kiss a girl on a first date, because I am a gentleman and I am also shy. Laugh all you want, but kissing is a scary thing . You have to wait for the opportune moment, just like Jack Sparrow said. I don't know why I am talking about kissing, but I do want to say that hanging out with girls and group dating is stupid. I'm sorry, but I rather take a girl on a date with just her and I. It's a scary thing, but it's better because you will actually get to know that girl. I don't do that often and that is what I need to do because it's a cop out if you just hang out with a girl. I'm sorry to all those girls that I liked and wanted to date, because there were a few, but I could not muster up the courage to ask them out. Oh well, it's my fault, but I better make sure that I do go on a date with a girl this week. There are some girls that I would really want to take out, but I don't know if it would be fun, but I should just not worry about that and grow some kahunas and ask a girl out.

sick

I hate life, it's not fun. I can't make decisions because I am messed up. You may look at me and think I am normal, but I am far from normal. Normal people don't worry about classes or majors or jobs. They go try new things and are not afraid to fail. I'm afraid and that is why I have failed in my life. I always think of the worst and never think of the positive and that is not a way to live one's life. I am the point where I just want to quit school and never go back because I don't believe I'll ever make it. I am so close to graduating, yet stupid little fears get in my head. I hate it, it has kept me from moving forward and that is the most important thing in this life. To all of those people who think they do nothing, trust me you do something by trying new things. I just do the exact same thing over and over again and it's been like that for the past four years. That is what happens when you get nervous and you think you have nothing that you can offer to this society. I know that it will all work out in the end.I hope and I know that if I never quit I'll make it. What is making it? I don't know, but to me it's having a job that pays well and a family. To have a someone that loves me is the greatest feeling in the world and that is why I would want to have a wife and a family one day. Trust me, being alone and doing whatever you want is not that great, it's fun at first, but it's not even worth it. All those people that say being single is the greatest thing, it's not true. To me it's not, I think life would be more enjoyable if you had someone to share the bad times and even the good times. I also think that being with someone gives you passion, because you will do anything to succeed in the relationship. It also gives you motivation not to fail.

Flexed

I'm hurt bad and I don't know if I ever will recover. Who cares it's my fault anyways. I never rest my injuries. I hurt my hip flexor and it hurts and it's been nagging me since November. I still must run because I have to and I have a race tomorrow and we will see if I can beat my previous times. If not I will be mad. Even if my injury does get in the way, it's no excuse on why I can't run faster. I love running for sport and people say it's punishment. No way, running is not punishment. It's all in the mind and people say they can't do it they are just copping themselves out. That goes with anything in this life, if you say you can't then you probably won't. I'll you have to do is say you can and you can accomplish anything. That's all I have learned in this life. If you belive in yourself and work hard people can achieve great things and accomplish anything they set their minds to. Bet people who read this, probably don't know that I think positive sometimes. The negative jokes and attitude is my sense of humor, but deep down inside of me I still have that postive hope that everything will be alright.

What are you looking at ?

Stop stalking me by reading my blog. If you really want to know me just call me and I'll make you dreams come true. Joking! Not really, but anyways it's okay to look at me, I know I am good looking. Is that cocky? No, it's just the way I feel about myself. Anyways to all the girls I am scared to ask out, I'm sorry that I never did. I am a shy kid and maybe one day I'll stop being shy. I also want to say, there are a lot of cute girls in the state of Utah and there are lots of girls I would want to date, but I won't because I put things off. One day I won't and hopefully that will be soon. I do regret not taking some of those girls on dates because I really liked them and I am mad at myself I didn't. Enough about girls, I have to go prepare for my next 5k and I am hoping I'll win, but my hip flexor flared up again and it's starting to annoy me. It's my fault because I never rest. I do want to win a race and that is my ultimate goal and that is why I run. I also run because I like the high you get after you run. It's a great feeling, you should try it if you never have experienced a runner's high. Passing people up is a great feeling too, because it gives you a feeling of power and control and that is a good thing to experience as a runner.